One for the Money: “We’re meant to laugh at the fact that cute little Stephanie bumbles her way to getting one informant killed and another savagely beaten and thrown from a moving vehicle. Oh Stephanie, you’re a riot!” — Jeff Otto, cinemaobsession.com

Red Tails: “One can get away with a lot of cornball speeches a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away but it doesn’t work nearly as well a short time ago on planet Earth.” — James Berardinelli, reelviews

Man on a Ledge: “After an hour of this malarkey, you’re tempted to ask if there’s room for one more on that ledge.” — Steve Persall, St. Petersburg Times

Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close: “Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close could be more accurately described as Extremely Mawkish and Incredibly Irritating.” — Ethan Alter, Television Without Pity

Contraband: “‘Contraband’ aims to be dumb fun but gets only the first half right.” — Kyle Smith, New York Post

Courageous: “Fails to answer the more pressing question of why religious sagas such as this treat subtlety as a sin.” — Nick Schager, Village Voice

Real Steel: “Better than Transformers. I fear that if I lower the bar any further, I shall pinch my toes.” — Tim Brayton, Antagony & Ecstasy

The Son of No One: “Life is a struggle, the new film “The Son of No One” makes that explicitly clear. But so is moviemaking, and unfortunately the toil is all too evident in writer-director Dito Montiel’s messy, logic-strained third feature.” — Robert Abele, Los Angeles Times

The Rum Diary: “Maybe if you have a little rum before viewing you can enjoy the diary, I however was not impressed.” — Jolene Mendez, Entertainment Spectrum

Spy Kids: All the Time in the World in 4D: “I was apparently dealt a faulty card and could not pull up any discernible aromas other than those of flop sweat and mild embarrassment.” — Peter Sobczynski, eFilmCritic

Shark Night 3D: “A ho-hum series of kills and lulls so predictable that it doesn’t even look like much fun for the sharks; when they open wide, they might as well be yawning.” — Adam Markovitz, Entertainment Weekly

Apollo 18: “For the most part, alas, this only goes to show that in space, no one can hear you yawn.” — Neil Smith, Total Film

Zookeeper: “Unfortunately, nobody had the good sense to call the comedy authorities and shut this Zookeeper down.” — Jennie Punter, Globe and Mail

Cars 2: “Cars 2 runs out of gas. It’s on fumes — and some of them pretty noxious. There may be enough color and motion to initially interest children, but the plot will lose them, and boredom may follow.” — Tony Macklin, tonymacklin.net

Bad Teacher: “If you’re looking for a funny comedy about a cynical, hard-partying school teacher transformed by his students into a paragon of pedagogical awesomeness, skip Bad Teacher and go rent School of Rock instead.” — Dana Stevens, Slate

Larry Crowne: “Even if you wander into this congealed mess with nothing more demanding in mind than to spend a little time with two charming favorites, do not expect Forrest Gump or Pretty Woman.” — Rex Reed, New York Observer

Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Big Happy Family: “Comedy is comedy, and ‘terminal illness’ is ‘terminal illness’ and the two really shouldn’t meet. What you end up with is a movie that’s literally as funny as cancer.” — Jim Slotek, Jam! Movies

Water for Elephants: “…a much larger group of potential ticket-buyers could have been tapped with a different title that I offer here for consideration: Twilight Under the Big Top.” — Sarah Boslaugh, Playback:stl

Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs Evil: “Parents should take their children to ‘Hoodwinked Too! Hood Vs. Evil,’ if only because kids are never too young to learn the important and liberating skill of walking out of a movie and demanding a refund.” — Kyle Smith, New York Post

Insidious: “Looking up the word Insidious in the dictionary is a more fulfilling experience than seeing the movie Insidious.” — Jordan Hoffman, UGO

Here are some reviews of Osama Bin Laden’s Hideout Compound from Google Maps.

Surprisingly large DVD collection, but overall just average. I was visiting my buddy at the Pakistan Military Academy and he recommended bin Laden’s after the compound I had booked on AirBnB fell through. It was only a few blocks away, which was great. Bed was only a twin, but watching Teen Wolf Too made up for it. Not good for more than three nights.
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Well, It is nicer than a cave.
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My wife and I spent our honeymoon in Abbottabad and stayed at ObLC. The fact that they honor Starwood Hotels points really swayed our decision, not to mention the only other hotel in town is a Holiday Inn Express and I wouldn’t bury a dead terrorist in one of their hotels. Booked online, quite simple thanks to their real-time reservation system. I don’t speak Urdu, so the English language translations were very helpful. Upon check-in the staff was very friendly. The hotel manager-I’ve forgotten his name-was kind, and spoke English well. My room was not available at check-in, evidently some billionaire’s son and his entourage were taking up a lot of space, but they graciously upgraded me to a suite. One downside was the loud construction noise at night. I don’t know what sort of demolition or jackhammering they’re doing there but why at night? Very strange, but the manager was apologetic and paid for our breakfast. And they make you sign a “non-disclosure agreement” upon check-out, I guess maybe it’s a very exclusive resort for that area? A++++++++ would stay again!!

(Previously, How Superman Should Have Ended)

The Rite: “You know what isn’t terrifying? Mules. Also not terrifying: mules with red eyes and baleful expressions. … It’s an extremely literal-minded and reverent horror movie—almost appropriate for a Catholic-school day trip—but never especially scary. Unless mules terrify you.” — Keith Phipps, AV Club

The Dilemma: “Is it too soon to pronounce something ‘the worst film of the year?’” — Daniel M. Kimmel, New England Movies Weekly

The Green Hornet: “There’s never been a worse superhero than the Green Hornet. … His qualifications for the job seem to be: 1. Having a limitless supply of money. 2. Having a side-kick that does all the work.” — Josh Jackson, Paste Magazine

No Strings Attached: “After the intensity of ‘Black Swan,’ it’s sort of jarring to see Portman in something as vapid and and inconsequential as this. Kutcher? It’s not quite so jarring.” — Stephen Silver, The Trend

Journalist and comedian Charlie Brooker pokes fun at news reporting by illustrating how television news is structured according to a standardized style that tries to impress without really being informative. Be warned, some NSFW language.

via YouTube - Charlie Brooker – How To Report The News.

It’s Complicated: “This film about divorce and late blooming romance was so painful that it made my own divorce seem fun.” — Beth Accomando, KPBS.org

Did You Hear About the Morgans?: “Grant’s familiar, pained and rueful expressions start to look like an actor’s commentary on the film, not a character’s response to events within it.” — Christopher Tookey, Daily Mail [UK]

Nine: “The movie musical can still be a splendid bit of escapism. With Nine, the only thing you’ll want to flee is the movie theater itself.” —Bill Gibron, PopMatters

The Twilight Saga: New Moon: “The number one killer is that it’s two hours and 10 minutes long and the plot recycles itself over and over again.” — Eric Melin, Scene-Stealers.com

The Men Who Stare at Goats: “Either someone missed the memo about other people’s LSD trips being a colossal drag, or else they fed it to a goat.” — Tim Robey, Daily Telegraph

The Fourth Kind: “going to great lengths to make us believe the events depicted in this movie are real, but it’s about as a real as the date I had with Jennifer Aniston in my dreams the other night.” — Willie Waffle, WaffleMovies.com

Couples Retreat: “during the shark attack . . . the sympathy was not necessarily with the humans in the water” — Andrea Chase, Killer Movie Reviews

Law Abiding Citizen: “Say what you will about Death Wish, but Charles Bronson was never boring.” — Glenn Whipp, Los Angeles Times

The Box: “Whatever you do, do not accept delivery of The Box, a package that doesn’t know where it is going nor how to get there.” —David Hiltbrand, Philadelphia Inquirer

Astro Boy: “a big selling point for my kids to see this movie was the line, ‘I have machine guns… in my butt?’ Viewer, be warned.” — Kevin Carr, 7M Pictures

YouTube - No Mas Presents: Dock Ellis & The LSD No-No by James Blagden.

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The Invention of Lying: “We cannot tell a lie: This one is missable.” —Rex Roberts, Film Journal International

Fame: “The new remake of the 1980 hit ‘Fame’ is not going to live forever and has clearly not learned how to fly.” —Dan Lybarger, eFilmCritic.com

Love Happens: “More truthful (equally generic) titles might include: ‘Death Happens,’ ‘Psychobabble Happens’ or ‘Lazy Screenwriters Make Love Happen Even If The Leads Have No Chemistry’” —Dan Fienberg, HitFix

[The Zombie Beatles Video Game | Youtube]

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