Category: humor

Surrogates: “If robots had to make a movie without human help, Surrogates is what they might come up with. All the parts are visible, but there’s no soul to be found.” —Elizabeth Weitzman, New York Daily News

The Invention of Lying: “We cannot tell a lie: This one is missable.” —Rex Roberts, Film Journal International

Fame: “The new remake of the 1980 hit ‘Fame’ is not going to live forever and has clearly not learned how to fly.” —Dan Lybarger, eFilmCritic.com

Love Happens: “More truthful (equally generic) titles might include: ‘Death Happens,’ ‘Psychobabble Happens’ or ‘Lazy Screenwriters Make Love Happen Even If The Leads Have No Chemistry'” —Dan Fienberg, HitFix

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra: “So, now you know, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is about as uncomfortable to sit through as running in a marathon with a bad case of the trots – and knowing is half the battle.” — Adam Tobias, Watertown Daily Times

The Final Destination: “It’s exactly like Final Destination 1, 2 and 3, but in 3D. Unfortunately, three-dimensional images do little more than show up the one-dimensional characters.” — Christopher Tookey, Daily Mail [UK]

The Time Traveler’s Wife: “Rarely does a movie make me so dearly wish I could come unstuck in time.” — Gregory Weinkauf, Huffington Post

Taking Woodstock: “While many of the characters are getting satisfactorily high, audiences are unfortunately left with a movie that’s only half-baked.” — Matt Brunson, Creative Loafing

The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard: “It’s not that I was offended. It’s that I was bored by the attempt to offend me.” — Ken Hanke, Mountain Xpress (Asheville, NC)

I Love You, Beth Cooper: “Wants to emulate a John Hughes film, in much the same way that a crack whore wearing a dime-store tiara wants to emulate Queen Elizabeth.” — Eric D. Snider, film.com

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen: “If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination.” — Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times

Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs: “if you want some jokes that aren’t prehistoric, you’re better off letting this Ice Age defrost.” — Jeffrey Lyles, Gazette (MD)

Bruno: “The new Sacha Baron Cohen movie, ‘Bruno,’ really isn’t a movie at all. Calling it one is sort of like calling mutton the new white meat.” —Christopher Smith, Bangor Daily News (Maine)

The Proposal: “It sounds like a faint recommendation, but trust me when I say that calling it ‘not terrible’ is high praise indeed.” — Marshall Fine, Hollywood & Fine

Land of the Lost: “Would that a time machine actually existed that could somehow restore the 106 minutes spent watching Land of the Lost.” – Peter Keough, Boston Phoenix

The Hangover: “If a bachelor party bender is your thing, you’ve got company. I didn’t say taste.” – Jules Brenner, Cinema Signals

Star Trek: “It’s been thirty years since I last found myself at the movies, rooting for a black hole.” – Gregory Weinkauf, ÃœberCiné

Night at the Museum: Smithsonian: “As for this sequel, this is one exhibit that should be closed for the summer.” – Jeffrey Lyles, Gazette (MD)