The Bad Review Revue

Divergent: “Barely diverting” — Bruce Diones, The New Yorker

Sabotage: “This is the type of movie best enjoyed as a late-night indulgence on cable. Really late at night, when your eyes are still partially open, but your brain has called it quits.” — David Hiltbrand, philly.com

Need for Speed: “Need for Speed is so busy and loud that, if not watched vigilantly, it could be mistaken for something fun. But it is a shambling lemon.” — Dan Schindel, filmschoolrejects.com

Non-Stop: “The problem is that Non-Stop tries to be something it’s not. It has one too many scenes that border on ludicrous, and the big reveal barely makes sense.” — Dave McGinn, Globe and Mail

God’s Not Dead: “God may not be dead, but I’d be willing to wager this movie at least gave him a faint wave of nausea.” — Ken Hanke, Mountain Xpress

The Bad Review Revue

Grown Ups 2: “Adam Sandler scrapes the bottom of the barrel” and then he pukes into it with Grown Ups 2, a lazily cribbed-together swamp of pointless and unfunny sketches that makes 2010;s Grown Ups look like Citizen Kane.” — Linda Barnard, Toronto Star

Pawn Shop Chronicles: “By the time it winds to a conclusion, the film seems to have tired itself out, like a toddler who screeches nonsensically for hours, then falls asleep in a fetal ball in the corner.” — Nathan Rabin, The Disolve

The Lone Ranger: “Somewhere, around the hour-and-a-half mark, The Lone Ranger makes the fateful decision not to end. Worse, the movie keeps not-ending for another full hour.” — Christopher Orr, The Atlantic

White House Down: “It follows the Emmerich template: a spectacle-tinged, compelling setup; a dumb, disappointing midsection; and a cheese-topped denouement that veers so close to self-parody that one is tempted to call it funny.” — James Berardinelli, ReelViews

Man of Steel: “For all its ambition, Man Of Steel fails to soar, instead crash landing in a humourless, melodramatic mess of explosions.” — Matt Neal, The Standard

Now You See Me: “Audiences go to magic shows to get fooled, but that doesn’t mean they want to leave feeling cheated.” — Keith Phipps, The Dissolve

The Bad Review Revue

The Great Gatsby: “Why didn’t the maestro didn’t just go the whole hog and rename it ‘Jazz Hands: A Love Story’? A bottle of your best champagne says he thought about it.” — Ed Whitfield, The Ooh Tray

After Earth: “The only value in watching it is to see an expensive disaster slowly unfold.” — Peter Howell, Toronto Star

Now You See Me: “It takes a certain dark magic to make the talent of a top cast disappear right before your eyes. Now You See Me does just that.” — Peter Travers, Rolling Stone Magazine

The Hangover Part III: “If only what happened in Vegas had stayed in Vegas.” — Tom Charity, CNN.com

Oblivion: “Was Cruise trying to beat out fellow Scientologist John Travolta for the honor of starring in the dumbest sci-fi epic ever?” — David Edelstein, Vulture

The Bad Review Revue

Wrath of the Titans: “Even the most skilled actors in the cast mainly look like they’re struggling to stay awake.” — Jeffrey M. Anderson, Common Sense Media

The Three Stooges: “For the Farrellys, The Three Stooges is a labor of love. For non-believers, it’s merely a labor.” — Peter Travers, Rolling Stone

Lockout: “I suspect many people will be on board, as I was, with Lockout for about 5 minutes. Fortunately, anyone can go to YouTube and see them without seeing what comes next: 85 minutes of shoddy plotting, direction and full-on boredom.” — Erik Childress, eFilmCritic.com

John Carter: “The reported $250 million price tag for John Carter gives one pause. I suppose one could argue that masterpieces have no price. Then again, John Carter is no masterpiece.” — Peter Rainer, CS Monitor

The Bad Review Revue

Underworld Awakening: “If you came for RealD 3-D throat ripping and gunshots to the head, you might leave somewhat satisfied. More likely, you’ll just want Ibuprofen and a refund.” — Teddy Durgin, screenit.com

One for the Money: “We’re meant to laugh at the fact that cute little Stephanie bumbles her way to getting one informant killed and another savagely beaten and thrown from a moving vehicle. Oh Stephanie, you’re a riot!” — Jeff Otto, cinemaobsession.com

Red Tails: “One can get away with a lot of cornball speeches a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away but it doesn’t work nearly as well a short time ago on planet Earth.” — James Berardinelli, reelviews

Man on a Ledge: “After an hour of this malarkey, you’re tempted to ask if there’s room for one more on that ledge.” — Steve Persall, St. Petersburg Times

Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close: “Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close could be more accurately described as Extremely Mawkish and Incredibly Irritating.” — Ethan Alter, Television Without Pity

Contraband: “‘Contraband’ aims to be dumb fun but gets only the first half right.” — Kyle Smith, New York Post

The Bad Review Revue

Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn: “The tagline states, ‘Forever is only the beginning …’ After viewing this lifeless pap for mere minutes, we realize that it’s not a slogan at all. It’s a warning.” — Kimberly Gadette, Doddle

Jack and Jill: “Howard the Duck, Gigli, Showgirls, From Justin To Kelly. What do they all have in common? They’re all widely considered to be among the worst big studio movies ever made. You know what else they have in common? They’re all better than Jack and Jill.” — Mike McGranaghan, Aisle Seat

Immortals: “When Hyperion says of one character, “His pain has just begun,” you know exactly how he feels.” — Ty Burr, Boston Globe

In Time: “It’s an intriguing concept, rather than a compelling story. Before the movie’s over, its time is up.” — Moira MacDonald, Seattle Times

The Bad Review Revue

The Three Musketeers: “The trio of journeyman British actors who play the musketeers are a brusque, reasonably appealing lot, though they barely get enough screen time to know them. As the film’s conclusion makes clear, that oversight is intended to be redressed in a sequel. No, thanks. In this case, ‘One for all’ will do.” — Liam Lacey, The Globe and Mail

Courageous: “Fails to answer the more pressing question of why religious sagas such as this treat subtlety as a sin.” — Nick Schager, Village Voice

Real Steel: “Better than Transformers. I fear that if I lower the bar any further, I shall pinch my toes.” — Tim Brayton, Antagony & Ecstasy

The Son of No One: “Life is a struggle, the new film “The Son of No One” makes that explicitly clear. But so is moviemaking, and unfortunately the toil is all too evident in writer-director Dito Montiel’s messy, logic-strained third feature.” — Robert Abele, Los Angeles Times

The Rum Diary: “Maybe if you have a little rum before viewing you can enjoy the diary, I however was not impressed.” — Jolene Mendez, Entertainment Spectrum

The Bad Review Revue

The Smurfs: “It’s raw and mean-spirited, with too many of the Smurf word substitutions more naughty than nice (“Who Smurfed?” or “Where the Smurf are we?”). That’s Smurfed up.” — Nell Minow, Chicago Sun-Times

Spy Kids: All the Time in the World in 4D: “I was apparently dealt a faulty card and could not pull up any discernible aromas other than those of flop sweat and mild embarrassment.” — Peter Sobczynski, eFilmCritic

Shark Night 3D: “A ho-hum series of kills and lulls so predictable that it doesn’t even look like much fun for the sharks; when they open wide, they might as well be yawning.” — Adam Markovitz, Entertainment Weekly

Apollo 18: “For the most part, alas, this only goes to show that in space, no one can hear you yawn.” — Neil Smith, Total Film

The Bad Review Revue

Transformers: Dark of the Moon: “Director Michael Bay, Hollywood’s answer to the Antichrist, isn’t primarily interested in your soul, though his movie does a pretty effective job of sucking that away (and sucking, in general).” — Lou Lumenick, New York Post

Zookeeper: “Unfortunately, nobody had the good sense to call the comedy authorities and shut this Zookeeper down.” — Jennie Punter, Globe and Mail

Cars 2: “Cars 2 runs out of gas. It’s on fumes — and some of them pretty noxious. There may be enough color and motion to initially interest children, but the plot will lose them, and boredom may follow.” — Tony Macklin, tonymacklin.net

Bad Teacher: “If you’re looking for a funny comedy about a cynical, hard-partying school teacher transformed by his students into a paragon of pedagogical awesomeness, skip Bad Teacher and go rent School of Rock instead.” — Dana Stevens, Slate

Larry Crowne: “Even if you wander into this congealed mess with nothing more demanding in mind than to spend a little time with two charming favorites, do not expect Forrest Gump or Pretty Woman.” — Rex Reed, New York Observer

The Bad Review Revue

Fast Five: “Wow, the only way this film could be more ludicrous is if they actually cast Ludacris in it. Oh wait…” — Widgett Walls, Needcoffee.com

Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Big Happy Family: “Comedy is comedy, and ‘terminal illness’ is ‘terminal illness’ and the two really shouldn’t meet. What you end up with is a movie that’s literally as funny as cancer.” — Jim Slotek, Jam! Movies

Water for Elephants: “…a much larger group of potential ticket-buyers could have been tapped with a different title that I offer here for consideration: Twilight Under the Big Top.” — Sarah Boslaugh, Playback:stl

Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs Evil: “Parents should take their children to ‘Hoodwinked Too! Hood Vs. Evil,’ if only because kids are never too young to learn the important and liberating skill of walking out of a movie and demanding a refund.” — Kyle Smith, New York Post

Insidious: “Looking up the word Insidious in the dictionary is a more fulfilling experience than seeing the movie Insidious.” — Jordan Hoffman, UGO