Bad Review Revue

He’s Just Not That Into You: “Imagine an action flick in which the hero spends the entire movie chasing the villain without the satisfaction of smashing his enemy to smithereens.” – Manohla Dargis, New York Times

Friday The 13th: “Even Jason seems a little bored by it all. The scariest thing in the movie is the threat of yet another sequel at the end. I’d suggest a return to outer space. Much deeper this time.” – Kurt Loder, MTV

Confessions of a Shopaholic: “If there is a single bright spot in the financial crisis, it is the possibility that one day producer Jerry Bruckheimer will run out of money. In a more just world, this would have happened before he gave the green light to “Confessions of a Shopaholic,” a thin, largely unfunny comedy that marries lazy filmmaking with bad timing.” – Jessica Reaves, Chicago Tribune

Fired Up: “Oh, is this movie bad. The characters relentlessly attack each other with the forced jollity of minimum-wage workers pressing you with free cheese samples at the supermarket.” – Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun Times

Bad Review Revue

Bedtime Stories: “Bedtime Stories is not my cup of tea. Even the saucer. Fairness requires me to report, however, that it may appeal to, as they say, ‘kids of all ages.'” – Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times

The Unborn: “About the only thing here that will haunt your dreams is the film’s final scene, which conveniently portends a sequel, something along the lines of “‘The Born: Jumby’s Revenge’. Now there’s true terror, my friends.” – Glenn Whipp, Los Angeles Times

Bride Wars: “If anyone asks you if you want to see Bride Wars, remember the right answer: I don’t.” – Connie Ogle, Miami Herald

Not Easily Broken: “The movie sinks beneath a great mass of clich’s until the audience has no choice but to wearily raise its hands in surrender.” – Jason Heck, Kansas City Star

Saw V: “It’s not a good sign when watching someone stick their hand into a table saw is easier than listening to them recite dialogue.” – Sam Adams, LOS ANGELES TIMES

Seven Pounds: “It’s like if The Empire Strikes Back opened with Darth Vader taking a paternity test. And once you know “or at least suspect” both what Smith’s cryptic plan is and what the film’s title refers to, there’s little else compelling about this sluggish, self-righteous downer.” – Kevin Williamson, JAM! Movies