We simply cannot allow a close relationship like this to be destroyed because of some silly little dispute over who gets to run the world. That is why today I am calling upon you, my fellow Americans, to ''extend the olive jar'' to our French brothers and sisters and yappy little dogs. I want you to deliberately approach French people wherever you can find them -- on the street, on the Internet, in the ''Small World'' ride at Disney World, in public restrooms -- and make friendly overtures to them in their own language (French). To help you do this, here is a list of friendly French phrases:

''Bonjour, personne francaise!'' (``Hello, French person!'')

''Je suis un Americain, et, dangue il, je vais vous donner une grande vieille etreinte!'' (``I am an American and, dang it, I am going to give you a big old hug!'')

''Parole! Vous ne sentez pas demi aussi de mauvais que j'ai prevu!'' (``Say! You do not smell half as bad as I expected!'')

''Qui s'inquiete qui court darned le monde?'' (``Who cares who runs the darned world?'')

''Voulez-vous la gomme? Elle ketchup-est assaisonnee!'' (``Do you want gum? It's ketchup-flavored!'')

''Voulez que je vous porte au mail dans mon SUV?'' (``Want me to take you to the mall in my SUV?'')

''Vous pouvez vous rendre au garde de securite!'' (``You can surrender to the security guard!'')

''Ha ha, je suis badiner juste autour hors de l'amiti!'' (``Ha ha, I am just kidding around out of friendship!'')

''Hey, revenez ici!'' (``Hey, come back here!'')

''Il n'y a aucune cause pour l'alarme! Mon pistolet a une surete!'' (``There is no cause for alarm! My gun has a safety!'')

Yes, fellow Americans, with a little effort, we can heal this rift between us and our old friends. Because, in the end, we have a lot more in common than we do separating us! Or, as the French would say, ''Je suis un grand gros menteur'' (``I am a big fat liar'').