The Bad Review Revue

Transformers: Rise of the Beasts: “In all fairness, I think I might have enjoyed this film if I was nine years old.” — James Berardinelli, Reelviews

The Out-Laws: “The Out-Laws, a diversion at most, is streaming purgatory incarnate. It isn’t a movie to be devoured in one viewing, nor necessarily finished at all.” — Michael Frank, The Spool

65: “65 should only be recommended after one has run out of films to watch, which might not be for many years.” — Danielle Solzman, Solzy at the Movies

The Tutor: “I can’t decide if it’s so bad it’s good or if it’s just plain old bad.” — Christy Lemire, FilmWeek

The Flood: “Slagle and co. take the material so seriously — and not in a way that results in appealing camp — that there is barely any fun to be had here, period, regardless of the number of brewchachos consumed during its mercifully brief runtime.” — Steven Warner, In Review Online

Fast X: “Out of gas. Spinning its tires. Stuck in the ditch. Slid too far off the road. Grinding its gears. Crashed and burning with one wheel spinning. Insert your automobile cliche here.” — John Serba, Decider

Sarah Ellen (Ella) Kinsman

My great-grandmother was Sarah Ellen Kinsman (AKA Ella Milner). Growing up, I didn’t know much about her except that her father Marshall Kinsman died in a logging accident and her mother remarried Joseph Young, Brigham Young’s older brother. Even my dad was too young to know my Great Grandma Milner — she died a year before he was born. I also remember hearing that Ella’s mother was born on the day of the Hauns Mill Massacre but I could never keep track of which relative these stories were about. Really the only thing I remember from my childhood about my great-grandmother was just that we would often visit her gravesite on our trips to Raymond, AB, so learning more about her has been really interesting.

I’m sharing her story for posterity as part of my collection of family posts. If you find this information useful please send me a note, I’d love to hear from you.

SARAH ELLEN KINSMAN, daughter of Marshall Corridon Kinsman and Sarah Jane Snow, was born 19 May 1857, at Provo, Utah. She died 25 May 1943, in Salt Lake City, Utah at the age of 86. She married Benjamin Franklin Milner on 9 June 1886, at Logan, Cache, Utah in the Logan Temple.

Sarah Kinsmen (AKA Ella Milner) — colour added by Jeff Milner 2023 in Photoshop

Continue reading “Sarah Ellen (Ella) Kinsman”

Taipan!

Taipan! is an old Apple II game that I used to play as a kid.

Taipan is a classic strategy game that was originally released for the Apple II computer in 1982. It was developed by Art Canfil and published by Avalon Hill. The game is set in the 19th-century Far East and allows players to become wealthy merchants by trading goods and engaging in naval battles.

In Taipan, players start with a small amount of money and a ship, and their goal is to build a successful trading empire. They can purchase goods at various ports and then sell them at other ports for a profit. The game includes a dynamic economic system, with prices fluctuating based on supply and demand. Additionally, players must manage their ship’s crew, deal with pirate attacks, and navigate through storms and other hazards.

Taipan gained popularity for its engaging gameplay and strategic depth. It was known for its detailed graphics, considering the limitations of the Apple II’s hardware, and its challenging gameplay. The game’s success led to ports and adaptations for other platforms, such as the Commodore 64 and MS-DOS.

Although it’s been several decades since its release, Taipan remains a beloved classic among retro gaming enthusiasts and is often remembered as one of the standout titles for the Apple II computer.

I’m delighted to have discovered a webpage hosting a javascript port of the original game. Some of the delays were annoying me so I made my own copy and shortened them. Eventually I might get around to adding the ability to repay the money lender more and take advantage of the 100% interest bug.

I also discovered where one can find the most statistically likely cheapest and most expensive places to buy and sell a given commodity with these arrays:

var BP=[['Opium',11,16,15,14,12,10,13],
['Silk',11,14,15,16,10,13,12],
['Arms',12,16,10,11,13,14,15],
['General Cargo',10,11,12,13,14,15,16]];

Each cargo type is represented by an inner array, where the first element is the name of the cargo, and the subsequent elements represent the pricing coefficients for the ports.

The ports are indexed from 1 to 7, with the pricing coefficients following this order. So, for example, the pricing coefficients for Opium correspond to the ports in the following order: Port 1 Hong Kong – 11, Port 2 Shanghai – 16, Port 3 Nagasaki – 15, Port 4 Saigon – 14, Port 5 Manila – 12, Port 6 Singapore – 10, and Port 7 Batavia – 13.

These coefficients play a role in determining the prices you’ll encounter when trading in each port. They’re used as multipliers or modifiers to the base price of a cargo type. The higher the coefficient for a specific port, the more likely the prices for that cargo type will be high in that port. Conversely, lower coefficients create prices for that cargo type that are relatively lower.

By utilizing these coefficients, it makes it easier to strategically plan trading routes and make decisions based on which ports are likely to offer the best returns for buying and selling different types of cargo.

Backmasking in It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

I don’t personally call it backmasking when it’s just reversed audio that sounds like gibberish forward but with a backward message when reversed, nevertheless Slashfilm has an article about the title cards at the end of each episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia which have a new secret message for each season.

The production company logos that air at the end of TV shows offer creators a chance to put their own creative spin on things one last time before their time slot is up, and comedy shows tend to make it fun. “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” not only had fun with their production company logo, but they’ve also changed the audio that plays each season. There’s just one major twist on things: they backmask all of the audio!

They’ve got the text of the reversed audio for all 16 seasons.