Category: bad review revue

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bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

Despicable Me 4: “Talk about despicable.” — Zaki Hasan, San Francisco Chronicle

Doctor Jekyll: “You don’t call a movie Doctor Jekyll and expect that we won’t know what’s going in it.” — Mark Dujsik, Mark Reviews Movies

The Instigators: “Cannot live up to the Ocean’s movies of which Matt Damon and Casey Affleck are two of the 11. Perhaps they should not attempt heists without Brad Pitt or George Clooney.” — Fred Topel, United Press International

Harold and the Purple Crayon: “A film that pays lip service to the importance of creativity without ever displaying a demonstrable shred of it during its seemingly interminable run time.” — Peter Sobczynski, RogerEbert.com

Trap: “Trap is crap.” — David Poland, Hot Button

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bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

Madame Web: “The real culprit here is the greed manifested by studio suits who keep hawking cheap knockoffs. ‘Madame Web’ feels like a random collection of half-baked ideas thrown into the air and allowed to land, with the cynical assumption that we’ll buy any lazy hack-work that is Spider-Man adjacent. Kill me now.” — Peter Travers, ABC News

Bob Marley: One Love: “If you’ve never heard of Bob Marley before watching the picture, you might know even less about him when the end credits roll.” — Brian Orndorf, Blu-ray.com

Lisa Frankenstein: “Overall, Lisa Frankenstein remains a lifeless genre effort needing a spark of electricity.” — Eric Marchen, Rogers TV

Land of Bad: “Despite solid and brutal action throughout, the longer this goes on, the storytelling choices put one in a land of confusion” — Robert Kojder, Flickering Myth

Players: “Director Trish Sie’s middling and at times mawkish film not only makes us hate the game, but also its players.” — Courtney Howard, Variety

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bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom: “What we have is 124 minutes of fish vomit. Fish vomiting is rare, so when it happens, it’s an indication of a fatal condition and time for little Chips to visit SeaWorld by way of the nearest commode.” — MontiLee Stormer, moviereelist.com

Anyone But You: “Anyone But You updates Shakespeare’s classic romance, Much Ado About Nothing, to a brainless romp with fleeting nudity and F-bombs galore. Thankfully, there’s ample chemistry between the gorgeous leads to facilitate the requisite happy ending.” — Julian Roman, MovieWeb

Freud’s Last Session: “Freud’s Last Session is an appointment you can skip.” — Joey Magidson, Awards Radar

Rebel Moon: Part One – A Child of Fire: “Take a Star Wars movie, remove the sense of humor and adventurous fun, and you might have something that looks like the Netflix space opus, ‘Rebel Moon.'” — Russ Simmons, KKFI-FM (Kansas City)

The Boys in the Boat: “The appeal of lads propelled forward through laborious craft is obvious, but The Boys in the Boat fails to do more than skim the surface both literally and metaphorically.” — Jay Horton, Willamette Week

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bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

The Expend4bles: “‘The Disposables’ would describe it better.” — Brian Lowry, CNN.com

My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3: “This awkward threequel is one wedding you’ll wish you didn’t RSVP to.” — Fay Watson, Total Film

Retribution: “The only jaw-dropping this thriller induces is yawning.” — M.N. Miller, Hidden Remote

Sound of Freedom: “It’s bizarre, unsettling and yet – in the filmmaking equivalent of turning wine to water – bracingly dull to boot.” — Ed Power, Daily Telegraph (UK)

Golda: “It’s not that insightful into who she was… Generally, it’s just a history of the Yom Kippur War, and it assumes you know a whole lot about it already.” — Andy Klein, FilmWeek (KPCC – NPR Los Angeles)

Meg 2: The Trench: “It’s a relief, after almost two hours of this silliness, to come up for air.” — Brian Viner, Daily Mail (UK)

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bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

Transformers: Rise of the Beasts: “In all fairness, I think I might have enjoyed this film if I was nine years old.” — James Berardinelli, Reelviews

The Out-Laws: “The Out-Laws, a diversion at most, is streaming purgatory incarnate. It isn’t a movie to be devoured in one viewing, nor necessarily finished at all.” — Michael Frank, The Spool

65: “65 should only be recommended after one has run out of films to watch, which might not be for many years.” — Danielle Solzman, Solzy at the Movies

The Tutor: “I can’t decide if it’s so bad it’s good or if it’s just plain old bad.” — Christy Lemire, FilmWeek

The Flood: “Slagle and co. take the material so seriously — and not in a way that results in appealing camp — that there is barely any fun to be had here, period, regardless of the number of brewchachos consumed during its mercifully brief runtime.” — Steven Warner, In Review Online

Fast X: “Out of gas. Spinning its tires. Stuck in the ditch. Slid too far off the road. Grinding its gears. Crashed and burning with one wheel spinning. Insert your automobile cliche here.” — John Serba, Decider

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bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

Under the Tuscan Sun: “Who thought combining Under the Tuscan Sun with The Godfather was a good idea?” — Dustin Chase, Galveston Daily News

The Super Mario Bros. Movie: “It is the laziest possible version of a Mario movie, and for most viewers, young and old, that’ll be totally acceptable.” — Dylan Roth, Observer

Renfield: “To watch Renfield is to get the impression that someone made a successful elevator pitch, then panicked.” — Alan Zilberman, Spectrum Culture

Love Again: “Your heart will go on, and your eyes will look away in embarrassment.” — A.A. Dowd Chron

Big George Foreman: The Miraculous Story of the Once and Future Champion of the World: “This corny and awkward biopic of boxing champ George Foreman makes his unusual life look dreadfully formulaic. The entire movie is like a limp punching bag filled with nothing but hot air.” — Carla Hay, Culture Mix

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bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

Black Adam: “Should really be called ‘Bland Adam’.” — Brian Lloyd, entertainment.ie

Emancipation: “It’s a fantasy that can’t match the power of the photograph from which it’s derived.” — Adam Graham, Detroit News

Empire of Light: “There is a certain odour wafting out of writer-director Sam Mendes’s Empire of Light that approximates the stomach-churning scent of scalding, rancid butter ladled atop stale popcorn.” — Barry Hertz, Globe and Mail

Ticket to Paradise: “Ticket to Paradise has actors saying lines on locations and sets and enacting characters in a scenario, so one supposes it meets the technical criteria to be called a movie, but that is the absolute best thing that could be said about it.” — Matt Lynch, In Review Online

The Mean One: “Amateurish…I did not care for ‘The Mean One’ mess. I do not like bastardized Seuss, I confess.” — Roger Moore, Movie Nation

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bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

The Greatest Beer Run Ever: “One thing is abundantly clear: Smokey and the Bandit is still, and without much competition, cinema’s greatest beer run. And that movie managed to deliver a whole truckload of beer without doing any disservice to the Vietnam War.” — William Bibbiani, Consequence

Amsterdam: “To describe Amsterdam as an unfunny comedy would be unfair, because it’s so much more than that. It’s also a non-thrilling thriller and a not particularly mysterious mystery.” — Kyle Smith, WSJ

Blonde: “If you are hankering for a film where you are a toilet bowl and Marilyn Monroe pukes in your face, this film will not let you down.” — Bob Grimm, Reno News and Review

Luckiest Girl Alive: “[…] no one, especially not the viewer, is lucky.” — Amy Amatangelo, Paste Magazine

The Munsters: “There’s a hint of a decent origin story here but it all crumbles like a vampire at daybreak.” — Randy Myers, San Jose Mercury News

Categories
bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

Jurassic World Dominion: “How many ways can you screw up a dinosaur movie? It seems like a slam dunk. The people are coming for the dinosaurs, so you give them dinosaurs. When you’re not doing that, just point your camera at Jeff Goldblum” — Chris McCoy, Memphis Flyer

Persuasion: “Austen works hard. But mediocrity, this movie reminds us, works harder.” — Rolling Stone

Morbius: “To call Morbius a corporate corpse of a movie is too kind.” — Matthew Pejkovic, Matt’s Movie Reviews

Where the Crawdads Sing: “Oh, the crawdads definitely sing in ‘Where the Crawdads Sing.’ Much of the time, you wish they’d shut the hell up.” — Chris Hewitt, Minneapolis Star Tribune

Alone Together: “One can’t help but wish that Holmes’ script would acknowledge that, on the sliding scale of March 2020 suffering, wealthy people sheltering in beautiful chateaus are pretty low.” — Aurora Amidon, Paste Magazine

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bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore: “If you don’t like fantastic beasts in your ‘Fantastic Beasts’ movie, then this is the film for you.” — Doug Walker, Channel Awesome

Firestarter: “I hope nobody subscribed to Peacock for this. You got a lame duck instead.” — Korey Coleman, Double Toasted

Uncharted: “It’s not poorly written for a video game-based movie. It’s poorly written for a ransom note. It’s poorly written by the standards of online comment sections. It’s poorly written compared to an Ayn Rand novel. It’s that bad.” — Ryan Syrek, The Reader

Father Stu: “It feels like someone involved thought, ‘We’re going to win so many Oscars with this movie!’ In fact, the end result comes off more like one of those joke movies in Tropic Thunder.” — Edward Douglas, The Weekend Warrior

Memory: “I wish I could forget it!” — Christy Lemire, Film Week