Stories from the Party Last Night

Ok, the following stories are just a third person re-telling of some stories I heard last night but I think you’ll find them very interesting nevertheless.

I’m going to call the story-teller A.B. to protect the poor guy’s identity – though he was pretty open about telling the stories. Also keep in mind these were a lot more funny hearing them from the source. I can’t verify the truth of these stories either and I get the impression that he liked the attention so he may or may not have been exaggerating the details. I did hear that he had some pretty messed up roommates though.

A.B. started telling us about his psycho roommates. First of all, he never met them or checked out the house before he agreed to move in. He realized pretty quickly that the place was a dump and the roommates were nuts. For one, they insisted that he had to wake up at 8:00am for “family prayer” – no they were not related to each other and I don’t think A.B. is the type to want to pray by himself let alone at 8am with his roommates.

They had a cat that would lick A.B.’s face in the morning which would cause some kind of allergic reaction. Not something which put him in a good mood. He explained that one time he stepped in cat puke and asked if the landlord – and the owner of the cat – would clean up his cat’s vomit. The landlord explained that, “no, he would just let nature take its course“. Which, I guess, is just let the cat eat it back up again later.

Their method of dividing up the household chores consisted of a draw for the different jobs around the house. A.B. didn’t like the idea of washing the dishes since his decision to always eat out kept him out of the dirty kitchen and was supposed to prevent him from having to do dishes. He also didn’t like cleaning up the Landlord’s cat’s litter.

The Landlord had loaned A.B. a bookshelf and a T.V. stand – among other things. When A.B. did something the Landlord didn’t like (I’m not sure what that was, he didn’t say) the Landlord would go into his room and take them back.

One day A.B. found his collection of video tapes on the ground where the bookshelf used to be. He shrugged it off and just packed his tapes back into cardboard boxes. His T.V. still worked sitting on the floor, so no big deal. One time the Landlord told him that he want A.B. to remove the carpet from his bedroom floor because he didn’t want him to have it anymore. A.B. told him to remove it himself. I’m not sure whatever happened with the carpet.

But one day the roommates stole some of the A.B.’s WWF wrestling tapes because, “Wrestling was evil and watching it would make him go to hell”. Apparently they were trying to save him by stealing his tapes and burning them! I guess A.B. is a big wrestling fan and these were tapes that he had purchased over Ebay! He looked pretty sad about it and even though he seemed to like that everyone was laughing at the shock value of the story you couldn’t help but feel bad for the guy.

So tensions were beginning to get high between A.B. and the Landlord. One day the Landlord ran his cable connection through A.B.’s room and I guess A.B. didn’t like that so he told him to take the cable out by Tuesday or he would do it himself, “and you won’t like the way I do it“.

Well Tuesday rolled around so A.B. whips out his Cutco knife and slices that cable in half and removes the offending section from his room. The Landlord didn’t like that at all, so to get back at A.B. he called the police and told them that A.B. was beating the female co-workers at the restaurant where A.B. works and that he, A.B., was also planning to blow up that same restaurant. The police picked A.B. up from work immediately and brought him down to the Station for questioning. They also asked to search his room to make sure he didn’t have any bomb materials in there.

When the police found out that it was a completely made up story they gave him the option of pressing charges against the landlord for wrongful arrest – or something like that but he decided not to and instead just elected to move out of the house and into Res. at the University.

Another story about A.B. (not sure about the time frame on this one).

The Landlord was two hours late for work opening his store – I guess he’s a manager at Radioshack in the mall. As a result, the mall fined him $12,000 for neglecting to open the store on time. The Radioshack manager / Landlord asked A.B., “You’re parents are rich right?”

I guess they are pretty well off – his dad is a lawyer.

“I need you to ask them to give you $12,000 to loan to me”. To which he said, “um, no.” Then the Landlord told him he had to or he would kick him out. To which he said, “um, no. I’ll be in my room if you need me”.

The Landlord then asked A.B.’s friend for his parents phone number, called them and told them that A.B. was heavy into drugs and owed a drug dealer $12,000 and that they needed to give him the money.

The parents phoned up A.B. and said something along the lines of “Son, are you ok? Are you doing drugs? Look – we’ll give you the $12,000 we just don’t want you to get killed.” He was kind of shocked and explained that no – he wasn’t doing drugs and he wasn’t going to get killed. He just had a psycho roommate.

When A.B.’s dad came to town to help him move out of the psycho house the landlord had the nerve to tell the dad that he was A.B.’s drug dealer and that the dad was going to have to pay off A.B.’s $12,000 marijuana bill.

As a side note, if you smoked $12,000 worth of marijuana in only 2 months that would probably kill you, wouldn’t it?

Needless to say, they did not give the landlord any money.

A.B. had another story about a girl he hooked up with over the summer. She was an old flame from ADD camp. That’s A.D.D. as in attention deficit disorder, not “add” as in Math. I guess they both suffered from A.D.D. as teenagers and hooked up at their special camp.

So one day, out of the blue, this girl, I think he called her Biker Chic, calls him up and says he wants him to drive to Canmore (I think) to reignite the old flame. A.B. decides that yes he would like that idea and so he calls his parents and tells him he is going up to Canmore with some friends on a little trip. He asked them for some money so he can buy his friends some beers – to which they oblige him.

When he gets there the girl has a friend who won’t leave them alone. The girl explains that the other girl is her parole officer and must be with her at all times. A.B. undaunted thinks, fine, whatever hopefully later tonight he’ll get some time alone despite the claim that they cannot be separated. A.B. is told to remain at arms length at all times. He wanted to kiss Biker Chic but even doing that wasn’t allowed without the “parole officer” watching because, hey he may have slipped her some drugs or something through their mouths. Sick. Anyway he ended up paying for both Biker Chic and the parole officer’s food and entertainment for the evening. Long story short – it sounded to me like the girls took advantage of a horny and not to swift A.B.

Oh and I heard tonight that the woman was in her 40’s.