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bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

The King’s Daughter: “January is often where bad films are stashed, but The King’s Daughter isn’t just bad, it’s a cloying, clichéd mess that’s not worth even the slightest risk of contacting COVID-19 to see in theaters.” — Mark Kennedy, Associated Press

Sensation: “Sensation wants to be a deep movie…[but] those depths rapidly become shallower and shallower until we’re left splashing in puddles. Ultimately, the only sensation you’ll get from this film is mild disappointment.” — Allen Adams, The Maine Edge

The 355: “The nicest thing I can say is it reminded me of a very funny scene in another movie.” — Chase Hutchinson, The Stranger

The Legend of La Llorona: “This umpteenth time is not a charm.” — Steve Davis, Austin Chronicle

Shattered: “The smooth-crotched erotic thriller equivalent of banging a G.I. Joe and a Barbie together.” — Richard Whittaker, Austin Chronicle

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bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

Don’t Look Up: “McKay’s contempt for pop culture is frequently tiresome; he just doesn’t know how to let people enjoy things — even if it is their own destruction.” — Luke Goodsell, ABC News (Australia)

The Unforgivable: “Compressing a TV series down into cinema is the greatest crime here; The Unforgivable’s countless structural problems make that case without even trying.” — Andy Crump, Paste Magazine

Clifford the Big Red Dog: “My viewing experience was only enhanced by the child behind me, who is the film’s target demographic, yelling, ‘I don’t want to watch this! This is not a good movie!'” — Jonathon Sim, ComingSoon.net

Red Notice: “[H]its all the notes of an action blockbuster, but each note rings just a bit false. And as those false notes pile up, things get cacophonous…Red Notice might be a heist movie, but in the end, the most valuable thing stolen might be your time.” — Allen Adams, The Maine Edge

Last Shoot Out: “The genre cliches almost outnumber the bullets in this uninspired low-budget Western.” — Todd Jorgenson, Cinemalogue

Apex: “‘Apex’ should have been called ‘Nadir.'” — Tom Meek, Cambridge Day

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bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

The Tomorrow War: “But if I had a time machine, I’d punt myself to the past just before The Tomorrow War went into production, and save everyone the trouble.” — Barry Hertz, Globe and Mail

Space Jam: A New Legacy: “Here’s the thing about basketball: It is extremely watchable. Here’s the thing about Space Jam: A New Legacy: It’s not.” — Mary Sollosi, Entertainment Weekly

Escape Room: Tournament of Champions: “The best thing about the ‘Escape Room’ film series is that it gives audience members clear directions in the title about what they should immediately do: Escape. Room.” —Johnny Oleksinski, New York Post

Great White: “You want the sharks to win.” — Emily Breen, HeyUGuys

Die in a Gunfight: “Mostly an uninspired drag, and perhaps the first ‘Romeo and Juliet’ adaptation where viewers will side with the exasperated parental characters.” — Brian Orndorf, Blu-ray.com

The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard: “It saps your will to live.” — Stephanie Zacharek, TIME Magazine

Casanova, Last Love: “I spent most of Casanova, Last Love not hoping the guy gets the girl but hoping the girl gets away safely.” — David Bax, Battleship Pretension

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bad review revue

The Bad Review Review

Shortcut: “One shortcut not worth taking.” — Nate Adams, The Only Critic

The Midnight Sky: “A pretty dismal Sad Dad Space Movie.” — Adam Woodward, Little White Lies

Stardust: “As Bowie takes everything in – the dingy motel rooms, the unappreciative audience – his expressions convey the obvious: he wishes this was better. It is hard not to have the same reaction to ‘Stardust.'” — Gary M. Kramer, Salon.com

Fatman: “Just like the bad gift that [one of the movie’s characters] gets in Fatman, the movie is like a Christmas present that looks enticing on the outside, but once you unwrap it, you find out it’s really just a disappointing and useless piece of coal.” – Carla Hay, Culture Mix

Love, Weddings & Other Disasters: “The title gives fair warning.” — Richard Roeper, Chicago Sun Times

The Stand In: “Drew Barrymore plays two roles in ‘The Stand In’ and it’s tough to decide which is more intolerable.” — Chris Hewitt, Minneapolis Star Tribune

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bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

The Lie: “The actual lie is that anyone will find this entertaining.” — Brian Tallerico, The Playlist

Lost Girls & Love Hotels: “One could look at it as a PSA against self-loathing, but mostly it’s just a really bad movie.” — Eric Eisenberg, CinemaBlend

Antebellum: “The realization of what’s going on dawns on you in waves, and it’s fun to watch as they crash on the shore. But once the water recedes, the rest of the movie goes out to sea along with it.” — David Ehrlich, indieWire

The New Mutants: “It finally arrives more than two years after its original planned release date and at times it’s hard not to stifle the unkind thought: ‘Why so soon?'” — Philip De Semlyen, Time Out

The War with Grandpa: “It depends on your tolerance for watching Robert De Niro flash people.” — Amy Nicholson, Film Week

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bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

Downhill: “‘Downhill’ depressingly spirals in the title’s direction.” — Roger Tennis, Cinemaclips.com

The Last Full Measure: “The Last Full Measure shoots itself in the foot. It may deserve a Purple Heart for that, but nothing much more.” — Kelly Vance, East Bay Express

Created Equal: Clarence Thomas in His Own Words: “Maybe silence was better.” — Frank Scheck, Hollywood Reporter

The Song of Names: “Mainly, this movie chatters when it should sing.” — Kate Taylor, Globe and Mail

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bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

Dolittle: “Dolittle is a not a film. Dolittle is a crime scene in need of forensic analysis. Something happened here. Something terrible. Something inexplicable.” — Scott Tobias, NPR

Like a Boss: “Like a Boss is a truly terrible movie that wastes the talents of a good cast in material that would be beneath everyone with the exception of Rob Schneider.” — Matt Brunson, Creative Loafing

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker: “It’s a shell of a film, more machine now than ever. A twisted wreck of fan service, messy assembly of conveniences, lazy echoes and callbacks crashing into an aborted conclusion.” — Blake Howard, Dark Horizons

Cats: “Seeing Jennifer Hudson’s snot continue to glisten over her lips, refusing to be wiped away, made me Google, ‘Can you lose an Oscar?'” — Jordan Calhoun, Black Nerd Problems

Underwater: “By stealing everything from Ridley Scott’s 1979 classic [Alien], this watered down rip-off brings nothing new to the table. In the ocean, no one can hear you sigh.” — Asher Luberto, culturevulture.net

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bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

Maleficent: Mistress of Evil: “An example of the most soul-sucking viewing that I’m forced to endure.” — Charles Koplinski, Illinois Times

Charles Angels “[F]orget heaven, these angels will take you to purgatory.” — Howell Davies, The Sun (UK)

21 Bridges: “21 Bridges is a movie that will almost immediately disappear, falling through the cracks as prestige pictures and holiday blockbusters fill up local screens…this is a bridge that likely won’t be crossed again.” — Allen Adams, The Maine Edge

Midway: “One of the best things Roland Emmerich has ever touched. This is not, as compliments go, a very good one.” — Tim Brayton, Alternate Ending

Last Christmas: “Leads have no chemistry. Jokes lame. Twist painful. Ho-ho-no.” — James Verniere, Boston Herald

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bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

Rambo: Last Blood: “[It] is less an escapist action movie and more a dramatized manifestation of the most notorious sentences from Donald Trump’s presidential campaign announcement speech.” — Matthew Rozsa, Salon.com

The Addams Family: “There’s little fresh here and of the star-studded vocal cast only Oscar Isaac and (especially) Nick Kroll (Uncle Fester) get the spirit of their characters right. Worse, the very core of Addams Family magic – the highly charged eroticism of the Gomez and Morticia marriage combined with their offbeat parenting skills – is nowhere to be found.” — Laura Clifford, Reeling Reviews

Gemini Man: “The literal cinematic equivalent of ‘chasing your own tail'” — Don Shanahan, Every Movie Has a Lesson

Jexi: “Jexi is like Spike Jonze’s 2013 masterpiece Her, only dumb.” — Hope Madden, Columbus Underground

Lucy in the Sky: “Lucy in the Sky has no diamonds.” — Gary Wolcott, KXL-FM (Portland, OR)

Categories
bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

Overcomer: “There’s about half a movie in ‘Overcomer.’ The other half or so is a pretty half-hearted sermon. Neither half is particularly worthwhile, and the whole is cheap, cheesy, and, to put it charitably, churchy.” — Mark Dujsik, rogerebert.com

Charming: “Kids probably won’t pick up on the forced, pro-feminist theme here, but the film unspools like something that’s been politically corrected to within an inch of its life.” — Jim Schembri, 3AW

UglyDolls: “Points for honesty: most feature-length toy commercials aren’t so brazen as to actually make ‘buy toys’ the explicit driving force of the narrative.” — Tim Brayton, Alternate Ending

The Art of Racing in the Rain: “Unfortunately, ‘The Art of Racing in the Rain’ feels more like scraps than a juicy steak.” — Josh Terry, Deseret News

Where’d You Go, Bernadette: “Where’d you go, Bernadette? Eh, who cares.” — Benjamin Lee, The Guardian

Angel Has Fallen: “The franchise has fallen and it can’t get up.” —
Claudia Puig, FilmWeek

Don’t Let Go (Relive): “It would be bad enough for Relive to just be dumb. Unfortunately, though, it seems to think that its audience is as well.” — David Bax, Battleship Pretension