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bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

The Greatest Beer Run Ever: “One thing is abundantly clear: Smokey and the Bandit is still, and without much competition, cinema’s greatest beer run. And that movie managed to deliver a whole truckload of beer without doing any disservice to the Vietnam War.” — William Bibbiani, Consequence

Amsterdam: “To describe Amsterdam as an unfunny comedy would be unfair, because it’s so much more than that. It’s also a non-thrilling thriller and a not particularly mysterious mystery.” — Kyle Smith, WSJ

Blonde: “If you are hankering for a film where you are a toilet bowl and Marilyn Monroe pukes in your face, this film will not let you down.” — Bob Grimm, Reno News and Review

Luckiest Girl Alive: “[…] no one, especially not the viewer, is lucky.” — Amy Amatangelo, Paste Magazine

The Munsters: “There’s a hint of a decent origin story here but it all crumbles like a vampire at daybreak.” — Randy Myers, San Jose Mercury News

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bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

Jurassic World Dominion: “How many ways can you screw up a dinosaur movie? It seems like a slam dunk. The people are coming for the dinosaurs, so you give them dinosaurs. When you’re not doing that, just point your camera at Jeff Goldblum” — Chris McCoy, Memphis Flyer

Persuasion: “Austen works hard. But mediocrity, this movie reminds us, works harder.” — Rolling Stone

Morbius: “To call Morbius a corporate corpse of a movie is too kind.” — Matthew Pejkovic, Matt’s Movie Reviews

Where the Crawdads Sing: “Oh, the crawdads definitely sing in ‘Where the Crawdads Sing.’ Much of the time, you wish they’d shut the hell up.” — Chris Hewitt, Minneapolis Star Tribune

Alone Together: “One can’t help but wish that Holmes’ script would acknowledge that, on the sliding scale of March 2020 suffering, wealthy people sheltering in beautiful chateaus are pretty low.” — Aurora Amidon, Paste Magazine

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bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore: “If you don’t like fantastic beasts in your ‘Fantastic Beasts’ movie, then this is the film for you.” — Doug Walker, Channel Awesome

Firestarter: “I hope nobody subscribed to Peacock for this. You got a lame duck instead.” — Korey Coleman, Double Toasted

Uncharted: “It’s not poorly written for a video game-based movie. It’s poorly written for a ransom note. It’s poorly written by the standards of online comment sections. It’s poorly written compared to an Ayn Rand novel. It’s that bad.” — Ryan Syrek, The Reader

Father Stu: “It feels like someone involved thought, ‘We’re going to win so many Oscars with this movie!’ In fact, the end result comes off more like one of those joke movies in Tropic Thunder.” — Edward Douglas, The Weekend Warrior

Memory: “I wish I could forget it!” — Christy Lemire, Film Week

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bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

The King’s Daughter: “January is often where bad films are stashed, but The King’s Daughter isn’t just bad, it’s a cloying, clichéd mess that’s not worth even the slightest risk of contacting COVID-19 to see in theaters.” — Mark Kennedy, Associated Press

Sensation: “Sensation wants to be a deep movie…[but] those depths rapidly become shallower and shallower until we’re left splashing in puddles. Ultimately, the only sensation you’ll get from this film is mild disappointment.” — Allen Adams, The Maine Edge

The 355: “The nicest thing I can say is it reminded me of a very funny scene in another movie.” — Chase Hutchinson, The Stranger

The Legend of La Llorona: “This umpteenth time is not a charm.” — Steve Davis, Austin Chronicle

Shattered: “The smooth-crotched erotic thriller equivalent of banging a G.I. Joe and a Barbie together.” — Richard Whittaker, Austin Chronicle

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bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

Don’t Look Up: “McKay’s contempt for pop culture is frequently tiresome; he just doesn’t know how to let people enjoy things — even if it is their own destruction.” — Luke Goodsell, ABC News (Australia)

The Unforgivable: “Compressing a TV series down into cinema is the greatest crime here; The Unforgivable’s countless structural problems make that case without even trying.” — Andy Crump, Paste Magazine

Clifford the Big Red Dog: “My viewing experience was only enhanced by the child behind me, who is the film’s target demographic, yelling, ‘I don’t want to watch this! This is not a good movie!'” — Jonathon Sim, ComingSoon.net

Red Notice: “[H]its all the notes of an action blockbuster, but each note rings just a bit false. And as those false notes pile up, things get cacophonous…Red Notice might be a heist movie, but in the end, the most valuable thing stolen might be your time.” — Allen Adams, The Maine Edge

Last Shoot Out: “The genre cliches almost outnumber the bullets in this uninspired low-budget Western.” — Todd Jorgenson, Cinemalogue

Apex: “‘Apex’ should have been called ‘Nadir.'” — Tom Meek, Cambridge Day

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bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

The Tomorrow War: “But if I had a time machine, I’d punt myself to the past just before The Tomorrow War went into production, and save everyone the trouble.” — Barry Hertz, Globe and Mail

Space Jam: A New Legacy: “Here’s the thing about basketball: It is extremely watchable. Here’s the thing about Space Jam: A New Legacy: It’s not.” — Mary Sollosi, Entertainment Weekly

Escape Room: Tournament of Champions: “The best thing about the ‘Escape Room’ film series is that it gives audience members clear directions in the title about what they should immediately do: Escape. Room.” —Johnny Oleksinski, New York Post

Great White: “You want the sharks to win.” — Emily Breen, HeyUGuys

Die in a Gunfight: “Mostly an uninspired drag, and perhaps the first ‘Romeo and Juliet’ adaptation where viewers will side with the exasperated parental characters.” — Brian Orndorf, Blu-ray.com

The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard: “It saps your will to live.” — Stephanie Zacharek, TIME Magazine

Casanova, Last Love: “I spent most of Casanova, Last Love not hoping the guy gets the girl but hoping the girl gets away safely.” — David Bax, Battleship Pretension

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bad review revue

The Bad Review Review

Shortcut: “One shortcut not worth taking.” — Nate Adams, The Only Critic

The Midnight Sky: “A pretty dismal Sad Dad Space Movie.” — Adam Woodward, Little White Lies

Stardust: “As Bowie takes everything in – the dingy motel rooms, the unappreciative audience – his expressions convey the obvious: he wishes this was better. It is hard not to have the same reaction to ‘Stardust.'” — Gary M. Kramer, Salon.com

Fatman: “Just like the bad gift that [one of the movie’s characters] gets in Fatman, the movie is like a Christmas present that looks enticing on the outside, but once you unwrap it, you find out it’s really just a disappointing and useless piece of coal.” – Carla Hay, Culture Mix

Love, Weddings & Other Disasters: “The title gives fair warning.” — Richard Roeper, Chicago Sun Times

The Stand In: “Drew Barrymore plays two roles in ‘The Stand In’ and it’s tough to decide which is more intolerable.” — Chris Hewitt, Minneapolis Star Tribune

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bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

The Lie: “The actual lie is that anyone will find this entertaining.” — Brian Tallerico, The Playlist

Lost Girls & Love Hotels: “One could look at it as a PSA against self-loathing, but mostly it’s just a really bad movie.” — Eric Eisenberg, CinemaBlend

Antebellum: “The realization of what’s going on dawns on you in waves, and it’s fun to watch as they crash on the shore. But once the water recedes, the rest of the movie goes out to sea along with it.” — David Ehrlich, indieWire

The New Mutants: “It finally arrives more than two years after its original planned release date and at times it’s hard not to stifle the unkind thought: ‘Why so soon?'” — Philip De Semlyen, Time Out

The War with Grandpa: “It depends on your tolerance for watching Robert De Niro flash people.” — Amy Nicholson, Film Week

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bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

Downhill: “‘Downhill’ depressingly spirals in the title’s direction.” — Roger Tennis, Cinemaclips.com

The Last Full Measure: “The Last Full Measure shoots itself in the foot. It may deserve a Purple Heart for that, but nothing much more.” — Kelly Vance, East Bay Express

Created Equal: Clarence Thomas in His Own Words: “Maybe silence was better.” — Frank Scheck, Hollywood Reporter

The Song of Names: “Mainly, this movie chatters when it should sing.” — Kate Taylor, Globe and Mail

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bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

Dolittle: “Dolittle is a not a film. Dolittle is a crime scene in need of forensic analysis. Something happened here. Something terrible. Something inexplicable.” — Scott Tobias, NPR

Like a Boss: “Like a Boss is a truly terrible movie that wastes the talents of a good cast in material that would be beneath everyone with the exception of Rob Schneider.” — Matt Brunson, Creative Loafing

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker: “It’s a shell of a film, more machine now than ever. A twisted wreck of fan service, messy assembly of conveniences, lazy echoes and callbacks crashing into an aborted conclusion.” — Blake Howard, Dark Horizons

Cats: “Seeing Jennifer Hudson’s snot continue to glisten over her lips, refusing to be wiped away, made me Google, ‘Can you lose an Oscar?'” — Jordan Calhoun, Black Nerd Problems

Underwater: “By stealing everything from Ridley Scott’s 1979 classic [Alien], this watered down rip-off brings nothing new to the table. In the ocean, no one can hear you sigh.” — Asher Luberto, culturevulture.net