French American Relations

Dave Barry has a solution for the tense relationship the American’s and the French are going through right now. From his article:

We simply cannot allow a close relationship like this to be destroyed because of some silly little dispute over who gets to run the world. That is why today I am calling upon you, my fellow Americans, to ”extend the olive jar” to our French brothers and sisters and yappy little dogs. I want you to deliberately approach French people wherever you can find them — on the street, on the Internet, in the ”Small World” ride at Disney World, in public restrooms — and make friendly overtures to them in their own language (French). To help you do this, here is a list of friendly French phrases:

”Bonjour, personne francaise!” (“Hello, French person!”)

”Je suis un Americain, et, dangue il, je vais vous donner une grande vieille etreinte!” (“I am an American and, dang it, I am going to give you a big old hug!”)

”Parole! Vous ne sentez pas demi aussi de mauvais que j’ai prevu!” (“Say! You do not smell half as bad as I expected!”)

”Qui s’inquiete qui court darned le monde?” (“Who cares who runs the darned world?”)

”Voulez-vous la gomme? Elle ketchup-est assaisonnee!” (“Do you want gum? It’s ketchup-flavored!”)

”Voulez que je vous porte au mail dans mon SUV?” (“Want me to take you to the mall in my SUV?”)

”Vous pouvez vous rendre au garde de securite!” (“You can surrender to the security guard!”)

”Ha ha, je suis badiner juste autour hors de l’amiti!” (“Ha ha, I am just kidding around out of friendship!”)

”Hey, revenez ici!” (“Hey, come back here!”)

”Il n’y a aucune cause pour l’alarme! Mon pistolet a une surete!” (“There is no cause for alarm! My gun has a safety!”)

Yes, fellow Americans, with a little effort, we can heal this rift between us and our old friends. Because, in the end, we have a lot more in common than we do separating us! Or, as the French would say, ”Je suis un grand gros menteur” (“I am a big fat liar”).

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