I’ve been enjoying the jokes from McSweeney’s.
Call me a food snob if you want, but I’m not apologizing for having a favorite gas-station hot dog.
My girlfriend was bi-curious until she found out it had nothing to do with speaking a second language.
I knew it was time to trim my beard when crazy panhandlers started offering me their spare change and that was where I stashed it.
Have you ever been so stoned that you crashed your car into a tree? Then did you get out of your car and see there wasn’t actually any damage from the accident—not so much as a scratch on your bumper? Then did you notice that there also wasn’t any tree? When you were finally able to calm down and get back in your car to drive away, were you embarrassed to realize that all along it was the air freshener hanging from your rear view mirror?
Me neither.