Categories
bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

Land of the Lost: “Would that a time machine actually existed that could somehow restore the 106 minutes spent watching Land of the Lost.” – Peter Keough, Boston Phoenix

The Hangover: “If a bachelor party bender is your thing, you’ve got company. I didn’t say taste.” – Jules Brenner, Cinema Signals

Star Trek: “It’s been thirty years since I last found myself at the movies, rooting for a black hole.” – Gregory Weinkauf, ÃœberCiné

Night at the Museum: Smithsonian: “As for this sequel, this is one exhibit that should be closed for the summer.” – Jeffrey Lyles, Gazette (MD)

Categories
humor

Outsourcing for Humour

Ze Frank’s been creating videos specifically for Buzz Feed. Here’s one on dealing with the economic downturn from his series Hard Times:

Categories
advertising crime humor

ShamWow Guy in Prison

Vince Shlomi, the phenomenally successful television pitchman for products like the ShamWow and Slap Chop, was arrested at a swank Miami hotel last March after a violent confrontation with a prostitute.

From The Smoking Gun:

MARCH 27 – Meet Vince Shlomi. He’s probably better known to you as the ShamWow Guy, the ubiquitous television pitchman who has been phenomenally successful peddling absorbent towels and food choppers. Shlomi, 44, was arrested last month on a felony battery charge following a violent confrontation with a prostitute in his South Beach hotel room. According to an arrest affidavit, Shlomi met Sasha Harris, 26, at a Miami Beach nightclub on February 7 and subsequently retired with her to his $750 room at the lavish Setai hotel. Shlomi told cops he paid Harris about $1000 in cash after she "propositioned him for straight sex." Shlomi said that when he kissed Harris, she suddenly "bit his tongue and would not let go." Shlomi then punched Harris several times until she released his tongue.

For those of you that are not familiar with Vince:


[Vince with Slap Chop – YouTube]

Here he is peddling the ShamWow:


[ShamWow – YouTube]

I’ve saved the best for last. Guess what he’s doing now that he’s in prison?


[Shamwow Guy in Prison – CollegeHumor]

Categories
Art humor

Play Him Off, Keyboard Cat

Life is a stage. Sometimes we fail on stage—luckily keyboard cat is there to play us off.

http://playhimoffkeyboardcat.com/

(via)

Categories
bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

X-Men Origins: Wolverine: “It is Hugh Jackman’s misfortune that when they were handing out superheroes, he got Wolverine, who is for my money low on the charisma list. He never says anything witty, insightful or very intelligent; his utterances are limited to the vocalization of primitive forces: anger, hurt, vengeance, love, hate, determination. There isn’t a speck of ambiguity. That Wolverine has been voted the No. 1 comic hero of all time must be the result of a stuffed ballot box.” – Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times

Ghosts of Girlfriends Past: “Above all, it will make you long for a day when studio movies about relationships feel like they are by and for adults who have actually been in one.” – Melissa Anderson, Village Voice

Obsessed: “I don’t mind that Obsessed, is mindless, overheated, undercooked trash. I mind that it’s boring mindless, overheated, undercooked trash.” – Ken Hanke, Mountain Xpress

17 Again: “If you ever wondered what the High School Musical series would have been like without Zac Efron’s bad singing you have your answer in 17 Again” – Michelle Alexandria, Eclipse Magazine

The Soloist: “Just because The Soloist is about a homeless person doesn’t mean it should have pedestrian direction. But it does — pedestrian and clodhopping. …

What is remarkable is that Jamie Foxx and Robert Downey, Jr escape with their talent intact. They are the only reason to see The Soloist. They are sweet in a sour movie.” – Tony Macklin, tonymacklin.net

Categories
humor

Emoticon War

This has got to be the best use of emoticons ever. Personally, I’ve always preferred smileys in text format. ;)

Hit play or watch Emoticon War on Current.

Categories
bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

The Watchmen:”The good news is that you don’t have to stay past the opening credit sequence—easily the highlight of the film.” – Anthony Lane, The New Yorker

Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li:”If you thought they couldn’t possibly make a Street Fighter movie that was worse than the 1994 Jean-Claude Van Damme camp-fest, you’ll be unpleasantly surprised.” – Ethan Alter, Film Journal International

Paul Blart: Mall Cop:”The last name Blart may be the funniest thing in the movie, so that’s a hint as to just how bad this shopping-center saga can be.” – Claudia Puig, USA Today

Miss March:”Forget waterboarding ” just show Guantanamo detainees Miss March and they’ll say anything.” – James Berardinelli, ReelViews

Categories
humor

McSweeney Jokes

I’ve been enjoying the jokes from McSweeney’s.

Call me a food snob if you want, but I’m not apologizing for having a favorite gas-station hot dog.

My girlfriend was bi-curious until she found out it had nothing to do with speaking a second language.

I knew it was time to trim my beard when crazy panhandlers started offering me their spare change and that was where I stashed it.

Have you ever been so stoned that you crashed your car into a tree? Then did you get out of your car and see there wasn’t actually any damage from the accident—not so much as a scratch on your bumper? Then did you notice that there also wasn’t any tree? When you were finally able to calm down and get back in your car to drive away, were you embarrassed to realize that all along it was the air freshener hanging from your rear view mirror?

Me neither.

Categories
humor

Notes From Craig

I like this collection of interesting notes posted by Craig.

I’M PRETTY SURE I’VE INVENTED A TIME MACHINE. ALL GOING ACCORDING TO PLAN I’LL MATERIALIZE RIGHT HERE AT 11:37AM ON FRIDAY. THIS IS JUST A COURTESY NOTE TO MAKE SURE YOU’RE NOT STANDING IN THIS PLACE AT THE TIME. THINGS MIGHT GET QUITE MESSY IF YOU ARE.

(via)

Categories
humor

That’s What She Said

I once had a teacher who complained outside of class about a couple of my friends’ behaviour in class. He said that basically, what they do is, carefully sift through everything that’s said in class and try to make a joke about it. He said the real problem was that they’re actually REALLY funny. How do you discipline someone for joking around when you can barely keep a straight face?

I can only imagine the scene that culminated in this detention slip:

Student detention slip for thats what she said joke

I like how the teacher had to try and bring the tone down by adding, “these inappropriate comments are made to often” after realizing that the detention slip reads as a workable joke.

(via)