Jeff Milner

I’ve never considered myself a huge “Mad About You” fan, but I used to enjoy catching episodes on a semi-regular basis. One scene that made me laugh and sticks out in my mind, was when Jaime demonstrates to Paul exactly how easy it is to change an empty roll of toilet paper. The scene:

[Mad About You – Toilet Paper – YouTube]

Many times I’ve thought about reenacting that scene for my roommates who seem to like the class and convenience a freestanding roll brings to the operation.

Not too long ago I finally got through to them.

Shortly after that, my roommate came to me with some bad news. Apparently while changing the toilet paper roll he dropped the little plastic holder, the technical term is “insert”, while simultaneously flushing. In an instant it was goodbye insert; hello flooding toilet.

After some futile attempts at dislodging we decided our best bet would be to call Roto Rooter.

They came; they plunged; they charged $100 and left in less than 5 minutes. I can’t say I was overly thrilled about the apparent ease of running his special tools down the toilet, pushing the insert further down the line to become someone else’s problem, but who cares, the toilet appeared to be working again and what’s more the roommate paid me back.

However, even with the 24 hour guarantee on the work, I had a sinking suspicion this problem wasn’t completely resolved.

The next morning I left for my holiday to Punta Cana and returned Sunday afternoon—long after the 24 hours had expired—to discover the toilet having difficulties flushing and leaking water etc, into the basement bathroom on each flush.

I called Roto Rooter again.

Greeted by a pleasant voice on the phone, I explained the situation. She seemed pretty sure that I would have to pay for the clearing but conceded that if it was the same thing, then maybe they’d make an exception. She explained that they wouldn’t be able to tell what it was if they pushed it through. I asked about the use of a camera to check it out. Well, they had cameras, she patiently explained, but I’d be charged if they used them. So in order for me to find out whether or not I’d have to pay, I’d have to be charged. There it was, a nice little catch 22.

Later that day a new, but equally inspiring, Roto Rooter specialist showed up at my house. After a quick removal of the toilet and a little toilet water accidentally poured down the heating vent (I had to tell myself, just grin and bear it), the guy ran his toilet snake tool down the pipe where it “90s” and though he didn’t actually see that it was the same problem, he trusted my story and thankfully they didn’t charge me again.

Yay for Roto Rooter—though it did take two house calls to get it fixed.

Now I’m not saying this happened, but if you ever drop something in the toilet, don’t flush it. Be brave and pull it out, or failing that, get someone else to do it. Telling the owner of the house that it was dropped mid-flush is highly suspicious but I realize, not impossible.

P.S. Post vacation, where you might have accidentally drank the water, is a terrible time for toilet problems. Just saying.