Category: bad review revue

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bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

The Lion King (2019): “Some of these remakes have been more inspired than others, but few have felt quite as futile as The Lion King. This isn’t the circle of life; it’s more like a creative dead end.” — Justin Chang, NPR

Stuber: “With apologies to Foghat, this latest effort is a slow ride; perhaps Stupor would have been a better title.” — Matt Brunson, Film Frenzy

The Secret Life of Pets 2: “Insert the obligatory you-can’t-teach-an-old-dog-new-tricks reference here, and even at 83 minutes, the three mini movies that are The Secret Life of Pets 2 struggle to keep the laughs going.” — Julie Crawford, North Shore News

Men in Black International: “One of those memory-erasing flashes would be nice right about now, please.” — Adam Graham, Detroit News

Aladin (2019): “In short, it’s a whole old world.” — Anthony Lane, New Yorker

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bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

The Hustle: “Even with a running time of 93 minutes, The Hustle felt about an hour too long.” — Richard Roeper, Chicago Sun Times

Dumbo: “I felt warmly toward Dumbo, but not ‘Dumbo.'” — Michael Phillips, Chicago Tribune

Little: “Little is no Big.” — Max Weiss, Baltimore Magazine

The Intruder: “If the protagonists in this film were any more dense, they would only exist as a thick fog.” — Matt Brunson, Creative Loafing

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bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

Venom: “Michelle Williams, near the very end, [says what] feels like the most sincere heartfelt thing anyone says in the entire movie: ‘I’m sorry about Venom.'” — Bob Chipman, Geek

The Grinch: “It accomplishes nothing more than what the 1966 adaptation accomplished, despite taking more than three times longer to do it. In short: You’re an unnecessary one, Mr. Grinch.” — Mike Scott, Times-Picayune

The Girl in the Spider’s Web: “Salander is still typing furiously and retains a taste for black clothes and vengeance, but her running and gunning now suggest a Goth cosplaying James Bond.” — Manohla Dargis, New York Times

Nutcracker and the Four Realms: “The only thing that younger and older audience members will be able to share here is a sense of boredom.” — Joey Magidson, Hollywood News

Nobody’s Fool: “I’m getting a headache from this movie.” — Korey Coleman, Double Toasted

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bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

Night School: “Night School is a lesson that often feels more like punishment.” — Wenlei Ma, news.com.au

The Nun: “At one point a character rips a burial crucifix right out of the ground hoping it will ward off these malevolent forces; I’m beginning to think I need one of those for lacklustre horror films such as The Nun.” — Robert Kojder, Flickering Myth

Peppermint: “Peppermint is not some model of equality, it’s just violent escapism that happens to have a woman in the lead role.” — Lindsey Bahr, Associated Press

The Predator: “Watching this movie is as close to what I imagine going insane is like.” — Dan Murrell, Screen Junkies

Hell Fest: “You’ve seen it all before, and better: A blade to the chest, an axe to the leg, a syringe to the eye.” — Keith Uhlich, Hollywood Reporter

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bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

The Meg: “It’s not fun, it’s not serious, it’s not scary. It is stupid.” — Johnny Oleksinski, The New York Post

The Happytime Murders: “A few critics are calling it the worst movie of the year. Unfair! This R-rated look at a serial killer running wild in a puppet-populated L.A., has what it takes to be a contender for worst of the decade.” — Peter Traverse, Rolling Stone

Mile 22: “If the nonstop reign of skull crushing, eye gouging ultra violence isn’t enough to exhaust you entirely, trying to keep track of what’s important and why definitely will.” — Meg Downey, CBR

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom: “Is there any future in the Jurassic Park franchise? They were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, that they didn’t stop to think if they should.” — Clarisse Loughrey, That Darn Movie Show

Slender Man: “This tawdry, shoddy stinker is a movie of rare and total incompetence, literally unwatchable thanks to some of the worst cinematography in film history.” — Jim Lane, Sacramento News & Review

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bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

Rampage: “Johnson’s big opportunity for a memorable one-liner comes and goes with a sheepish ‘Well, that sucks.’ Touché, ‘Rampage.'” — J. Olson, Cinemixtape

I Feel Pretty: “The only thing you’ll feel after seeing I Feel Pretty is pretty damn crummy.” — AJ Caulfield, The Young Folks

Super Troopers 2: “It could almost be considered a subversive indictment of law enforcement, not to mention lowbrow humor. Almost, that is, if it were remotely funny.” — Pat Padua, Washington Post

Blumhouse’s Truth or Dare: “This gasser of a schlocky horror film should only be experienced on a dare.” — Courtney Howard, Fresh Fiction

Duck Butter: “It feels like we’re seeing the director’s cut of an IKEA commercial.” — Owen Gleiberman, Variety

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bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

The Mummy (2017): “You only have to watch the trailer to know that Producer-Director Alex Kurtzman’s reboot of Brendan Fraser’s once-charming mummy movies is full of embalming fluid.” — David Sims, The Atlantic

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales: “The subtitle of the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie is ‘Dead Men Tell No Tales.’ The moral of the movie, alas, is that the same cannot be said of dead franchises.” — Christopher Orr, The Atlantic

Baywatch: “Thank heaven for Dwayne Johnson, whose foot-wide smile will not be switched off, and who saves the life of the movie. Whether it deserves to be saved is another matter.” — Anthony Lane, The New Yorker

Snatched: “Snatched is a trip very much like the one it portrays: one that, in the end, does a pretty poor job of putting the ‘fun’ in ‘unrefundable’.” — Megan Garber, The Atlantic

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bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

Rings: “First you watch Rings, then you die…of boredom. And it might feel like seven days before the end credits too.” — Don Kaye, Den of Geek

50 Shades Darker: “Very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, boring.” — Liz Braun, Toronto Sun

A Dog’s Purpose: “It might be one of the most cloying and aggressively irritating films that I have ever been subjected to.” — Josh Kupecki, Austin Chronicle

Monster Trucks: “What if ‘monster trucks’ actually meant – wait for it – that there were monsters in the trucks? From an idea by a four-year-old (really), and it shows.” — MaryAnn Johanson, Flick Filosopher

Gold: “Gold is more of a bronze.” — Peter Howell, Toronto Star

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bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

The Girl on the Train: “My advice: disembark.” — Mike McCahill, MovieMail

Masterminds: “It’s just smart people acting like dumb people in a dumb movie.” — Matthew Lickona, San Diego Reader

Blair Witch (2016): “Even if there were no witches in the world, these idiots would probably get taken out crossing a busy street.” — Peter Hartlaub, San Francisco Chronicle

The Dressmaker: “‘The Dressmaker’ is only sew-sew.” — Stephen Whitty, New York Daily News

Suicide Squad: “The result is not so much Suicide Squad as Death by a Dozen Disappointments Squad.” — Christopher Lawrence, Las Vegas Review-Journal

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bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

The Huntsman: Winter’s War: “The script lifts so much plot from Disney’s animated Frozen that it could qualify as a remake. No one sings “Let It Go,” but my advice to audiences is to do just that.” — Peter Travers, Rolling Stone

The Boss: “Did they set out to make an even worse movie than 2014’s Tammy? Well, they did-crude, cruel, coarse and laughless.” Jim Lane — Sacramento News & Review

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice: “The film’s only other notable ingredients, sadly, are the most rumbling soundtrack since Earthquake, a lot of jaw grinding by Ben Affleck, some narrative confusion remarkable even by director Zack Snyder’s standards, and… hours and hours of your time.” Stuart Klaxons — The Nation

My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2: “Here’s an invitation to decline.” Linda Cook — Quad City Times

Meet the Blacks: “The movie as a whole is such an incompetent train wreck, you can’t look away, just to see how much worse it can get.” Christy Lemire — RogerEbert.com