Categories
humor

Patrick Stewart on The Extras

I just came across this clip of Patrick Stewart on The Extras. This is an old one that you may have seen before, but it’s a classic.


[Patrick Stewart Fantasies – Daily Motion]

Categories
humor

Life Imitates the Onion

Back in January 2001 The Onion satirically told us Bush’s plan to end the US’s “Long National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity”. It’s scary how accurate they were.

“My fellow Americans,” Bush said, “at long last, we have reached the end of the dark period in American history that will come to be known as the Clinton Era, eight long years characterized by unprecedented economic expansion, a sharp decrease in crime, and sustained peace overseas. The time has come to put all of that behind us.”

Categories
humor

George Lucas in Love

George Lucas in Love title screen

I don’t know how I missed this when it made it’s way onto the internet a couple of years ago, but for those Star Wars fans that have always wondered where he got his inspiration, here it is: George Lucas in Love. (Runtime of 8 minutes 44 seconds on Google Video)

Categories
humor

Robert Tourtelot: A Real Live Denny Crane

Viewers of the popular David E. Kelley show Boston Legal will be familiar with the outrageous behavior of William Shatner’s character Denny Crane. What they may not be familiar with, is the real life version of Denny, Mr. Robert Tourtelot, a “jack of all trades” lawyer from Southern California.

Recently Tourtelot contacted Travis Corcoran, owner of the How-To DVD rental service, “Smart-Flix”, and accused him of breaking the law. When Corcoran questioned lawyer Tourtelot on which law, exactly, he had broken, Tourlelot responded, that it wasn’t his job to educate Corcoran and that he should get his own attorney for that.

Shortly thereafter, the story gets VERY interesting, with Tourtelot doing everything from short-jokes and name calling, to challenging Corcoran to a fight and even threatening to call in the FBI.

[Tourtelot:] Dear Mr. Corcoran: I am in receipt of your e-mail to my client, Mr. XXX. I note your comments about me. I have a proposition for you. I will pay your way to California if you will agree to come and meet me in a gym, the address of which the limo driver who meets your flight will have.

Oh yes, the deal only includes a one-way ticket, as I do not believe you will be needing the return portion! Ciao, and have a good day. RHT

[Corcoran:] Are you proposing a boxing or MMA match?

I accept. I’ll pay my own way back, of course.

Any weekend in June works for me.

Please mail the airline ticket (departing from Logan Airport, in Boston) to the address I previously supplied.

I look forward to our bout (I usually do heavy bag work in my training sessions, but I’ll make sure to add some speed bag work to the mix over the next few weeks).

Shall we specify the same $1,000 wager that you suggested to Mr. XXX in your bet about my height?

[Tourtelot:] Plain and simple, pal. A street fight.! By the way, do you have a Black Belt also?

[Corcoran:] Please send the plane ticket.

If the Boston Legal writers happen upon this story, they should totally write it into their script because I can totally imagine Denny Crane doing all of this.

For comedy relief, check out The Robert Tourtelot saga.

(via)

Categories
humor

Defective Yeti Recommendations for Genetically Engineering Cats

Matthew Baldwin’s shares his humorous recommendations for genetically engineering cats.

Categories
humor

How Superman Should Have Ended

I came across this Superman parody which I think you will enjoy. It’s called “How Superman Should Have Ended” and I couldn’t agree more.

Categories
humor religion

Mr. Deity

Mr. Deity is a clever video series that, to some, might explain why God acts the way he does. I particularly liked episodes 2 and 4.

Categories
humor

Pirate Jokes

An able-bodied seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns recounting their adventures at sea. Noting the pirate’s peg-leg, hook, and eye patch The seaman asks “So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?”

The pirate replies, “We was caught in a monster storm off the cape and a giant wave swept me overboard. Just as they were pullin’ me out a school of sharks appeared and one of ’em bit me leg off”.

“Blimey!” said the seaman. “What about the hook”?

“Ahhhh”, mused the pirate, “We were boardin’ a trader ship, pistols blastin’ and swords swingin’ this way and that. In the fracas me hand got chopped off.”

“Blimey!” remarked the seaman. “And how came ye by the eye patch?”

“A seagull droppin’ fell into me eye”, answered the pirate.

“You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?” the sailor asked incredulously.

“Well,” said the pirate, “it was me first day with the hook.”
______________________

One day, while sailing the seven seas, a look-out spotted a pirate ship, and the crew became frantic.

Captain Bravo bellowed for his red shirt. The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain’s red shirt, and, after donning the shirt, the captain led his crew into battle and defeated the pirates.

Later on, the look-out spotted not one, but two pirate ships. The captain again howled for his red shirt and once again vanquished the pirates.

That evening, all the men sat around on the deck recounting the day’s triumphs, and one of them asked the captain: “Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before each battle?”

The captain replied: “If I am wounded in the attack, my crew won’t notice my bleeding and will continue to fight, unafraid.” All of the men sat in silence and marveled at the courage of their captain.

As dawn came the next morning, the look-out spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirate ships approaching. The rank and file all stared at the captain and waited for his usual request.

Captain Bravo calmly shouted: “Bring me my brown pants!”

Categories
humor

Laughing Wild – by Christopher Durang

A brief monologue from Laughing Wild by Christopher Durang:

Woman: I want to talk to you about life. It’s just too difficult to be alive, isn’t it, and try to function? There are all these people to deal with. I tried to buy a can of tuna fish in the supermarket, and there was this person standing right in front of where I wanted to reach out to get the tuna fish, and I waited a while, to see if they’d move, and they didn’t—they were looking at tuna fish too, but they were taking a real long time on it, reading the ingredients on each can like they were a book, a pretty boring book if you ask me, but nobody has; so I waited a long while, and they didn’t move, and I couldn’t get to the tuna fish cans; and I thought about asking them to move, but then they seemed so stupid not to have sensed that I needed to get by them that I had this awful fear that it would do no good, no good at all, to ask them, they’d probably say something like, “We’ll move when we’re goddam ready you nagging bitch” and then what would I do? And so then I started to cry out of frustration, quietly, so as not to disturb anyone, and still, even though I was softly sobbing, this stupid person didn’t grasp that I needed to get by them, and so I reached over with my fist, and I brought it down real hard on his head and screamed: “Would you kindly move asshole!!!”

And the person fell to the ground, and looked totally startled, and some child nearby started to cry, and I was still crying, and I couldn’t imagine making use of the tuna fish now anyway, and so I shouted at the child to stop crying—I mean, it was drawing too much attention to me—and I ran out of the supermarket, and I thought, I’ll take a taxi to the Metropolitan Museum of Art, I need to be surrounded with culture right now, not tuna fish.

Categories
history humor

Robert Newman History of Oil

I really liked this Google Youtube Video: Robert Newman History of oil. It hits on so many important themes and ideas in such a brilliant way that all I can say is that if you are remotely interested in world politics/economics and history, then this is required watching. It’s also quite funny.

Robert Newman History of Oil

From the description:

Robert Newman gets to grips with the wars and politics of the last hundred years—but rather than adhering to the history we were fed at school, [he] places oil centre stage as the cause of all commotion. This innovative history programme is based around Robert Newman’s stand-up act and supported by resourceful archive sequences and stills with satirical impersonations of historical figures from Mayan priests to Archduke Ferdinand. Quirky details such as a bicycle powered street lamp on the stage brings home the pertinent question of just how we are going to survive when the world’s oil supplies are finally exhausted.

I’ve come to reconsider my stance on these polished conspiracy theory videos—they are thought provoking but I believe if they are not approached with a critical eye, they can be dangerous.