From the folks that finish off a movie the right way, here is “How The Dark Knight Should Have Ended”.
The Bad Review Revue
Yogi Bear: “Yogi Bear may be smarter-than-the-average bear, but his new live-action-animated-mix flick is dumber-than-the-average-movie. Dumb with a capital D.” — Gary Wolcott, Tri-City Herald
The Rite: “You know what isn’t terrifying? Mules. Also not terrifying: mules with red eyes and baleful expressions. … It’s an extremely literal-minded and reverent horror movie (almost appropriate for a Catholic-school day trip) but never especially scary. Unless mules terrify you.” — Keith Phipps, AV Club
The Dilemma: “Is it too soon to pronounce something ‘the worst film of the year?'” — Daniel M. Kimmel, New England Movies Weekly
The Green Hornet: “There’s never been a worse superhero than the Green Hornet. … His qualifications for the job seem to be: 1. Having a limitless supply of money. 2. Having a side-kick that does all the work.” — Josh Jackson, Paste Magazine
No Strings Attached: “After the intensity of ‘Black Swan,’ it’s sort of jarring to see Portman in something as vapid and and inconsequential as this. Kutcher? It’s not quite so jarring.” — Stephen Silver, The Trend
Charlie Brooker – How To Report The News
Journalist and comedian Charlie Brooker pokes fun at news reporting by illustrating how television news is structured according to a standardized style that tries to impress without really being informative. Be warned, some NSFW language.
The Bad Review Revue
Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakuel: “This is perfect entertainment for those who find ‘Teletubbies’ and ‘Dora the Explorer’ to be a little too highbrow.” — Thomas Leupp, Hollywood.com
It’s Complicated: “This film about divorce and late blooming romance was so painful that it made my own divorce seem fun.” — Beth Accomando, KPBS.org
Did You Hear About the Morgans?: “Grant’s familiar, pained and rueful expressions start to look like an actor’s commentary on the film, not a character’s response to events within it.” — Christopher Tookey, Daily Mail [UK]
Nine: “The movie musical can still be a splendid bit of escapism. With Nine, the only thing you’ll want to flee is the movie theater itself.” —Bill Gibron, PopMatters
The Twilight Saga: New Moon: “The number one killer is that it’s two hours and 10 minutes long and the plot recycles itself over and over again.” — Eric Melin, Scene-Stealers.com
The Bad Review Revue
2012: “An eye-popping, insult to the intelligence strictly for the kiddies and crackpot doomsday enthusiasts.” — Kam Williams, News Blaze
The Men Who Stare at Goats: “Either someone missed the memo about other people’s LSD trips being a colossal drag, or else they fed it to a goat.” — Tim Robey, Daily Telegraph
The Fourth Kind: “going to great lengths to make us believe the events depicted in this movie are real, but it’s about as a real as the date I had with Jennifer Aniston in my dreams the other night.” — Willie Waffle, WaffleMovies.com
Couples Retreat: “during the shark attack . . . the sympathy was not necessarily with the humans in the water” — Andrea Chase, Killer Movie Reviews
Law Abiding Citizen: “Say what you will about Death Wish, but Charles Bronson was never boring.” — Glenn Whipp, Los Angeles Times
The Box: “Whatever you do, do not accept delivery of The Box, a package that doesn’t know where it is going nor how to get there.” —David Hiltbrand, Philadelphia Inquirer
Astro Boy: “a big selling point for my kids to see this movie was the line, ‘I have machine guns… in my butt?’ Viewer, be warned.” — Kevin Carr, 7M Pictures
Dock Ellis & The LSD No-No by James Blagden
This made me laugh. It’s an animation about Dock Ellis’ “legendary LSD no hitter”.
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The Bad Review Revue
Surrogates: “If robots had to make a movie without human help, Surrogates is what they might come up with. All the parts are visible, but there’s no soul to be found.” —Elizabeth Weitzman, New York Daily News
The Invention of Lying: “We cannot tell a lie: This one is missable.” —Rex Roberts, Film Journal International
Fame: “The new remake of the 1980 hit ‘Fame’ is not going to live forever and has clearly not learned how to fly.” —Dan Lybarger, eFilmCritic.com
Love Happens: “More truthful (equally generic) titles might include: ‘Death Happens,’ ‘Psychobabble Happens’ or ‘Lazy Screenwriters Make Love Happen Even If The Leads Have No Chemistry'” —Dan Fienberg, HitFix
Ladies and Gentlemen: The Zombeatles
A “Left for Dead” Zombie/Beatles Mashup, with more clever Beatles references than days in a week (at least I thought so Yesterday):
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The Men Who Stare At Goats trailer
The trailer for The Men Who Stare At Goats is online and gets full marks from me. If the movie is half as funny as the trailer, it’ll be totally worth it.
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The Bad Review Revue
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra: “So, now you know, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is about as uncomfortable to sit through as running in a marathon with a bad case of the trots – and knowing is half the battle.” — Adam Tobias, Watertown Daily Times
The Final Destination: “It’s exactly like Final Destination 1, 2 and 3, but in 3D. Unfortunately, three-dimensional images do little more than show up the one-dimensional characters.” — Christopher Tookey, Daily Mail [UK]
The Time Traveler’s Wife: “Rarely does a movie make me so dearly wish I could come unstuck in time.” — Gregory Weinkauf, Huffington Post
Taking Woodstock: “While many of the characters are getting satisfactorily high, audiences are unfortunately left with a movie that’s only half-baked.” — Matt Brunson, Creative Loafing
The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard: “It’s not that I was offended. It’s that I was bored by the attempt to offend me.” — Ken Hanke, Mountain Xpress (Asheville, NC)