Categories
humor

Valentine’s Day Plans

It’s a few years old, but I still consider it the best tweet of the day:

(via Miss Cellania)

Categories
parody

Watch the Tesla Cybertruck go… Back to the Future

Worth it for the license plate.

(via BoingBoing)

Update: The video below is actually a little more interesting and came out a few days after the top one. It’s a “deep fake” with Robert Downey Jr. inserted as Doc and Tom Holland playing Marty.

Categories
bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

Dolittle: “Dolittle is a not a film. Dolittle is a crime scene in need of forensic analysis. Something happened here. Something terrible. Something inexplicable.” — Scott Tobias, NPR

Like a Boss: “Like a Boss is a truly terrible movie that wastes the talents of a good cast in material that would be beneath everyone with the exception of Rob Schneider.” — Matt Brunson, Creative Loafing

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker: “It’s a shell of a film, more machine now than ever. A twisted wreck of fan service, messy assembly of conveniences, lazy echoes and callbacks crashing into an aborted conclusion.” — Blake Howard, Dark Horizons

Cats: “Seeing Jennifer Hudson’s snot continue to glisten over her lips, refusing to be wiped away, made me Google, ‘Can you lose an Oscar?'” — Jordan Calhoun, Black Nerd Problems

Underwater: “By stealing everything from Ridley Scott’s 1979 classic [Alien], this watered down rip-off brings nothing new to the table. In the ocean, no one can hear you sigh.” — Asher Luberto, culturevulture.net

Categories
humor movie

Live-Blogging The Princess Bride on First Watch

Twitter user @uzbadyubi had never seen, “The Princess Bride” and when he finally watched it1, live-blogged the whole thing creating this riveting twitter-thread:

Following along, it’s like watching the whole movie in less than 5 minutes. Check out the thread via Threadreader or on Twitter.

(via The Loop)

1. I do wonder though, did he continually pause the movie to take and post those screenshots?

Categories
article humor

The Case for War

By Someone Whose Kids Won’t Die Fighting in It

McSweeney’s makes the case for war with Iran.

As one of the most important writers at one of the most important newspapers in the country, it’s my job to inform my readers why they should uncritically support the United States government’s most recent war. I understand that many of you might not want to get into another drawn out, costly conflict in the Middle East, particularly if you were one of the thousands of parents who had their kids die needlessly in the last few wars. But as someone whose kids won’t die fighting in the war, it’s important that you understand the flimsy, morally bankrupt justifications for war, and why it’s vital for you to throw more of your children’s lives at this one.

(via)

Categories
bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

Maleficent: Mistress of Evil: “An example of the most soul-sucking viewing that I’m forced to endure.” — Charles Koplinski, Illinois Times

Charles Angels “[F]orget heaven, these angels will take you to purgatory.” — Howell Davies, The Sun (UK)

21 Bridges: “21 Bridges is a movie that will almost immediately disappear, falling through the cracks as prestige pictures and holiday blockbusters fill up local screens…this is a bridge that likely won’t be crossed again.” — Allen Adams, The Maine Edge

Midway: “One of the best things Roland Emmerich has ever touched. This is not, as compliments go, a very good one.” — Tim Brayton, Alternate Ending

Last Christmas: “Leads have no chemistry. Jokes lame. Twist painful. Ho-ho-no.” — James Verniere, Boston Herald

Categories
bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

Rambo: Last Blood: “[It] is less an escapist action movie and more a dramatized manifestation of the most notorious sentences from Donald Trump’s presidential campaign announcement speech.” — Matthew Rozsa, Salon.com

The Addams Family: “There’s little fresh here and of the star-studded vocal cast only Oscar Isaac and (especially) Nick Kroll (Uncle Fester) get the spirit of their characters right. Worse, the very core of Addams Family magic – the highly charged eroticism of the Gomez and Morticia marriage combined with their offbeat parenting skills – is nowhere to be found.” — Laura Clifford, Reeling Reviews

Gemini Man: “The literal cinematic equivalent of ‘chasing your own tail'” — Don Shanahan, Every Movie Has a Lesson

Jexi: “Jexi is like Spike Jonze’s 2013 masterpiece Her, only dumb.” — Hope Madden, Columbus Underground

Lucy in the Sky: “Lucy in the Sky has no diamonds.” — Gary Wolcott, KXL-FM (Portland, OR)

Categories
bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

Overcomer: “There’s about half a movie in ‘Overcomer.’ The other half or so is a pretty half-hearted sermon. Neither half is particularly worthwhile, and the whole is cheap, cheesy, and, to put it charitably, churchy.” — Mark Dujsik, rogerebert.com

Charming: “Kids probably won’t pick up on the forced, pro-feminist theme here, but the film unspools like something that’s been politically corrected to within an inch of its life.” — Jim Schembri, 3AW

UglyDolls: “Points for honesty: most feature-length toy commercials aren’t so brazen as to actually make ‘buy toys’ the explicit driving force of the narrative.” — Tim Brayton, Alternate Ending

The Art of Racing in the Rain: “Unfortunately, ‘The Art of Racing in the Rain’ feels more like scraps than a juicy steak.” — Josh Terry, Deseret News

Where’d You Go, Bernadette: “Where’d you go, Bernadette? Eh, who cares.” — Benjamin Lee, The Guardian

Angel Has Fallen: “The franchise has fallen and it can’t get up.” —
Claudia Puig, FilmWeek

Don’t Let Go (Relive): “It would be bad enough for Relive to just be dumb. Unfortunately, though, it seems to think that its audience is as well.” — David Bax, Battleship Pretension

Categories
bad review revue

The Bad Review Revue

The Lion King (2019): “Some of these remakes have been more inspired than others, but few have felt quite as futile as The Lion King. This isn’t the circle of life; it’s more like a creative dead end.” — Justin Chang, NPR

Stuber: “With apologies to Foghat, this latest effort is a slow ride; perhaps Stupor would have been a better title.” — Matt Brunson, Film Frenzy

The Secret Life of Pets 2: “Insert the obligatory you-can’t-teach-an-old-dog-new-tricks reference here, and even at 83 minutes, the three mini movies that are The Secret Life of Pets 2 struggle to keep the laughs going.” — Julie Crawford, North Shore News

Men in Black International: “One of those memory-erasing flashes would be nice right about now, please.” — Adam Graham, Detroit News

Aladin (2019): “In short, it’s a whole old world.” — Anthony Lane, New Yorker

Categories
humor Politics

Electability on McSweeney’s

I Don’t Think a Woman Is Electable In 2020 Because Last Time Around the Female Nominee Only Got Three Million More Votes Than Her Opponent by Tom Smyth