Category: humor

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The Bad Review Revue

Shortcut: “One shortcut not worth taking.” — Nate Adams, The Only Critic

The Midnight Sky: “A pretty dismal Sad Dad Space Movie.” — Adam Woodward, Little White Lies

Stardust: “As Bowie takes everything in – the dingy motel rooms, the unappreciative audience – his expressions convey the obvious: he wishes this was better. It is hard not to have the same reaction to ‘Stardust.'” — Gary M. Kramer, Salon.com

Fatman: “Just like the bad gift that [one of the movie’s characters] gets in Fatman, the movie is like a Christmas present that looks enticing on the outside, but once you unwrap it, you find out it’s really just a disappointing and useless piece of coal.” – Carla Hay, Culture Mix

Love, Weddings & Other Disasters: “The title gives fair warning.” — Richard Roeper, Chicago Sun Times

The Stand In: “Drew Barrymore plays two roles in ‘The Stand In’ and it’s tough to decide which is more intolerable.” — Chris Hewitt, Minneapolis Star Tribune

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The Bad Review Revue

The Lie: “The actual lie is that anyone will find this entertaining.” — Brian Tallerico, The Playlist

Lost Girls & Love Hotels: “One could look at it as a PSA against self-loathing, but mostly it’s just a really bad movie.” — Eric Eisenberg, CinemaBlend

Antebellum: “The realization of what’s going on dawns on you in waves, and it’s fun to watch as they crash on the shore. But once the water recedes, the rest of the movie goes out to sea along with it.” — David Ehrlich, indieWire

The New Mutants: “It finally arrives more than two years after its original planned release date and at times it’s hard not to stifle the unkind thought: ‘Why so soon?'” — Philip De Semlyen, Time Out

The War with Grandpa: “It depends on your tolerance for watching Robert De Niro flash people.” — Amy Nicholson, Film Week

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I Am Starting to Regret My Vote For Trump

The Lincoln Project is an American political action committee formed in late 2019 by several prominent current and former Republicans. The goal of the committee is to prevent the reelection of Donald Trump in the 2020 presidential election. Their latest ad features the comedic satire of David Cross explaining that he is just now starting to regret his vote for Donald Trump.

Here’s the original Cross routine that is a little longer than what you get in the ad.

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COVID-19 Risk Chart

From XKCD

First prize is a ticket to the kissing booth.

Randall Munroe runs you through risky behaviour in this handy chart that applies for both pandemic and non-pandemic risks. I’m betting that I’ll be doing in-person classes come September. The minister of Alberta Education will let us know as of August 1st — though some teachers believe the decision has already been made and they’re waiting for August to improve the optics. It’s not like it really matters what they “decide” because things will change the moment we have confirmed cases at school — at least I hope so.

As for the chart, I feel like, “Skateboarding into a mosh pit on a cruise ship” should be rated as higher risk than “Getting a Covid test from a stranger at a crowded bar” on the non-Covid risk axis.

(via Kottke)

Update: Apparently at the same time I was posting this the Alberta Government decided to make the announcement early: School is back on in September. It turns out I was right about the decision being already made and this was confirmed by a leak to the Globe and Mail.

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80 Minutes of Seinfeld Bloopers

If you like Seinfeld, you may enjoy these bloopers discovered on an unmarked DVD that came inside a flea market DVD player.

From Reddit:

At the Raynham flea market 2 years ago I found a DVD with 80 minutes of previously unseen Seinfeld bloopers. These are different from the official DVD bloopers, which are already on YouTube. This DVD was in a bootleg case with a bootleg design, and a simple unvarnished disc inside. I ripped the footage from the DVD and uploaded it raw to YouTube. Forgive the video quality; the DVD has low-grade video.

The DVD was produced in 2000, which makes me think it’s a bootleg of a blooper DVD made for the cast and crew of Seinfeld in 1998 or 1999, to be shared in the days before internet. There is nothing else on the disc.

(Via BoingBoing)

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What It’s Like to go Viral in 2020

What does Tom want from Jerry -- a joke essay

Alexis Pereira documents going viral in his essay: My 72 Hours in a Viral Tweet Vortex. I had my viral moment back in 2006, before “going viral” was even a thing, and overall, I liked it. Then again nobody tried to have me fired — even if in his case he wasn’t actually a professor.

Here’s the tweet in question:

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The Bad Review Revue

Downhill: “‘Downhill’ depressingly spirals in the title’s direction.” — Roger Tennis, Cinemaclips.com

The Last Full Measure: “The Last Full Measure shoots itself in the foot. It may deserve a Purple Heart for that, but nothing much more.” — Kelly Vance, East Bay Express

Created Equal: Clarence Thomas in His Own Words: “Maybe silence was better.” — Frank Scheck, Hollywood Reporter

The Song of Names: “Mainly, this movie chatters when it should sing.” — Kate Taylor, Globe and Mail